caught the guardian yesterday. i really enjoy such movies. really do. but i realised im always having difficulties breathing when i watch them. and tt's why i guess, i prefer comedies. would rather spend 2 hrs laughing over sth silly than 10hrs on such shows. cos it doesn't stop playing when the lights come on. it lingers. for the next few hrs, the next day, and prob. even the next whole week to come. i dislike the pain that comes with it. and that very scene i keep trying to get over just won't quit replaying in my mind. im scared.

i used to think how things would be without u. but i realised i shouldn't have wasted my time on them. cos it wouldn't take long before the answer was slapped in my face.

my heater's gone, and all that left's the freezing chill.

random pics from my gram's birthday dinner. which was.. last sunday. hah. one big family. held close together with her small hand:) i love holding her hands, though i always have to slant my body to one side to accomodate her height.. and i'll nv forget the way she held mine all these yrs:)







taking silly pics before dinner.. hah.. she's xiao bao. and im xiaolongbao. hah.. of cos. my mom's dabao. hah.











the cuzs i hold dear. we've grown up tgt, and shared alot. used to have our daily saturday night mini gathering at the macs below my gram's place.. but macs moved away, so we kinda havent really stuck to the weekly thing anymore. but we r always trying to make an effort to meet up:)

pic's not clear thou..






one big family. with my gram:) it takes ALOT of persuasion and effort to get her to leave the house... and she was so happy tt day, kept smiling for every pic like an innocent kid.. love her sooo much!!









with my uncle's family:) one of the pics in which she smiled so perfectly.. hah. tt lil boy in there used to be soooo naughty u just wanna kick him. hah.









gram just had a haircut yesterday, by my aunt. she looks even cuter now. hah.. and every night when i say 'gdnight' to her, she replies with a 'gdnite' too. hah.. and she always makes it an effort to try speaking to me in english when i say some english words to her.. other than that, it's normally conversations in dialects. :) she was like my mom, looking after me when my parents were busy with work in their younger days. and im so thankful she's still by my side after all these yrs..

just back from dinner not long. super ex. dinner at lawry's at paragon.. three servings of lawry's cut and two lobster's tails.. my god. 3 people and we spent like 400bucks on FOOD. am gonna have to live on bread for the next few days to ease this guilt.. my serving of beef was soooo thick i thought they loved me so much.. so i chewed and chewed until i got so sick of chewing i wanted to puke. it's really quite disgusting to taste the same flavour continuously.. my crazy mom insisted on having it for dinner.. after she spent 300bucks on my specs. cos of my stupid lazy eyes. i really need to scrimp now.. saw so many things tt i wanted to get but cudn't even lay my hands on them after spending 700 in 2hrs.. mom always consoles herself saying it's not everyday that we eat such stuff. i chose to think like her for the first few times, but now.. it's quite hard to convince myself to eat gold.. but still, we really enjoyed the dinner:) it was a simple day out in town. but sth that we rarely do.. so it really means alot when mom agrees to go shopping with us. we seldom go town together, not even back then, so it makes me really love such days:)

short day tmr, two lectures only. then trng.. serious trng now. crap.

my mind has been clear these 2days. there's been good progress. but tmr. it'll probably be the real test. of whether i've really moved on.

i subconsciously seek the presence of tears each time u laugh. n i pray everyday. that they'll dry up someday.

great day of lessons:) i enjoyed.. hah. love accounts. and marketing's getting interesting..seems like im making a right decision to heed ur words. just spoke to mom and sis bt the electives, and i figured. heck. challenge is what makes you come out stronger than the rest. and as sis said it, everything happens for a reason. i like to draw alot of motivation from them. it has never been easy for women to establish their footing in the world out there, but mom has done it great. and sis is coming up too. i've always believed that u left us for a reason. and i find myself right time after time.
unless u've been put in such a circumstance, u'll never know how it feels to see some light after a stretch of what seemed like endless darkness.

break again tmr:) gonna get my specs and contacts done.. hopefully can go town to get them. considering how much mom doesn't fancy gg town. hah.

i can't wait to drive.. first theory lesson has made me drive even more.

and i simply cannot believe all the crap and ridiculous stuff i've been hearing the entire night.. it's absolutely crappy. u really need to get a life and stop thinking the whole world's gonna do sth to ur girl.. mann u're crazy. don't expect the world to accomodate ur lack of trust in her and faith in urself. so quit tryin to put us in a spot idiot.

the beat keeps me going

listening to two great songs now:) makes me so much lighter. hah. songs from a fren's band.. what a way to end my dreadful day of tutorials. hah.. a load of thanks.
i knew i was waiting for something like tt to release me from this crap. now i've found it, and thanks soooo much:> whoever the singer davin is, i totally love you. hah.

will upload them soon:) it's amazing how music therapy works. hah.. i havent felt so good in a really long time.. like i cud just plug these 2 songs in and listen to them thru the night and go to sch super early tmr:> thanks loads mann stam. hah.. as i just told tiff, i feel alive.

took 4hrs to do stupid aaa tutorial.. really can't concentrate with the com on.. must be more disciplined joyce.
long day at sch tmr, 9-6.. disgusting. then driving lessons after that.. at 6.. hah. gonna cab down from lecture..

actually i wanted to tell u, that for awhile, i thought it was mutual. 'was'. maybe the timing could have been diff though. it was a funny feeling. and i kinda didnt really acknowledged it, cos it nv struck me tt i would feel tt way.. didn't exactly know how to tell u earlier on. so yup. now we've both cleared our junk:)
it's been a long while since i last heard such news. hah.. the past is still quite vivid.

i wish the sun would shine a lil brighter:)
all set for a brand new week