a yr gone again

n i suppose this day will be this way for the rest of my life. i really think so. until the day she takes things a step further. until we accept things.

it's been a fine day. nth much today. havent got much plans, havent got any in fact. celebrating christmas with my family tmr, as well as my grams' wedding anniversary:) think it's really sth everyone will wish for once you've found your other half -- till death do we part. cliched, but life IS always cliched.

been quite a lousy week, with the exception of the movie which kept me smiling for two days at least. pls. let it be better next week.

got a surprise xmas card from miaoling. a real surprise:) miss that girl.. especially her laughter. it's so contagious i say. hah..thanks so much girl:) waiting eagerly for another 'swimming' session:>

i think. i've been horrid this year. failed in so many areas. and done so much, yet truly did so lil. too caught up with own work, too lil time for others. it shldn't be this way. time spent with my friends was too lil to really mention bt.
it pricks when i realise how lil time i've given to friends who have been such a big part of my life.

hsin annie da sy.
i really regret not giving more of my time to all of you. not knowing more about how you're all coping with your new lives. not being there when any of u needed a listener. not catching more movies, not shopping enough, not talking more, not being together enough. im sorry. i really treasure the times we spent together. times when i feel just so at home. so comforted. so warm.
but this year, i havent done enough.
n i suppose that's the reason for a part of me lost in this life.

atiqahmypartner julie germ.
haven't been to many of our CC outings. compared to our daily session at the back of class a year ago. i've really missed out alot. there's just so much we could talk about. tons we could laugh over. even the slightest thing in our surroundings could cause serious laughing sessions. without julie lo to quarrel with every single day. no germ to try to convince my argument towards. no partner to support me. everyday seems just the same. so routined. i really miss each n every one of u..

im sorry.

yes, we have moved on. slowly.but surely. but steps dun ever end. we still have to keep moving forward, at least, keep trying to. im trying. trying very hard to. why doesn't she ever snap out of it. smtimes i really feel the urge to scream at her. but no. i can't. cant hurt her like he did. n i really hope we would stop hurting each other like this. pls. quit. shall we move on together, please?

then again. maybe life hasn't been that bad. i've had my fair share of good times. even if they disappear once i return. i still find solace in netball. still do, after so many years. n yes, as much as i know i'll nv see him there again during games, i believe he is. still standing there n guiding me thru it all. your determination has spurred me on. and your strength, im still learning to tap on. please guide me into 2006, the way i believe u always have.
studies wise, it's been alright. yes stressful smtimes, but as i've always said, stress is everywhere. i'll just have to keep learning to live with it.
friends wise, thanks to a great bunch of mates, especially two nutty girls and one kiddy guy, school's still going by well:) thanks really.

2006. i hope it holds more than 05. i'll spend more time with the people i love. with them, and them.
i promise.
i'll find my direction n seek my goal.
i'll be as best a daughter as i can.
i'll play as hard as possible.
i'll seek treatments for all problems bothering my physical self
i'll speak up more.
i'll take you one step further

and today.
as you've always said, 18 forever.
may you find comfort wherever you are.
we've gotten a cake for u, so you don't have to get one for urself the way u did for years:)

happy birthday daddy:)

i'll keep loving you.