oh well

project's done. left last presentation. hope it goes well. have been rushing ecd the past few days. had a terrible day yesterday. rushed to complete ecd on thurs day. slept at 4.30 and got woken up at 5.50. was so annoyed that i flared up at mom and sis. i know i shouldn't have. iand im glad i apologised to my mom. thx for being understanding mom:)

went kayaking today. was exposed to some stuff i thought i wouldn't hear. but i realised it doesn't exactly bother me either. so.. hah. right. great time today, though very tiring.
feel that you havent been too right recently. but i dun really know where the prob lies.. still. i really wish i cud do sth. if only i cud. but. in any case, i just wanna let u know - look below.

and so to you:
reading ur blog these couple of days hasn't been a good experience. in fact, it makes me start guessing and trying to find out more. i know im not in the position to say that. cos my entries are so random sometimes too. no names. just a hope to get it across to that particular someone. and i guess tt's the only reason why i haven't asked you anything on that matter. i don't know how to put forth the question. and it doesn't help when i feel im part of the whole issue. it's just that. i really don't wanna see such things happening. yet i have no idea at all what i can do to ease this prob.

so i just wanted to say. the grades on your report isn't not everything. the society's practical, merciless, cruel. this is what reality is all about. i definitely have to agree. but i believe you have got what it takes to find ur seat up there. i honestly do. i daren't say i know how exactly it feels for u, but i've been in the same position before, and it really isn't nice at all. for 2 whole years. it wasn't until i did business that i realised my niche. and this is why i say u have what it takes. but it lies undiscovered as of yet. i'm in no place to judge people. but working with u and having known u for a year odd, i have seen the many qualities in u. u may feel u aren't in ur niche area at all now, but dun look back anymore. look ahead and see what lies in front of u. if it's a total haze, then craft it out slowly. one step at a time. and soon u'll be able to see the path you should and want to take. it sounds so cliche. but trust me. u'll make it through. and come out at the place u very much wanna be at. mom always tells me - you pave your own path. the future's urs, so u decide what you want. and i really wanna tell u the exact same words. you don't have to go uni and get a degree just to get a good job. the market's flooded with such people now. but so many are still jobless and unhappy with what they're doing. the society structured this ladder up for everyone. but there are always people who build their own ladders. if what u're doing now isn't ur niche, then find yours. can't change now? no worries. there are lots of opportunities out there for u. it's all in ur mind. again, quoted. i always like to think abt how my dad set up his own business with that $20K from my grandfather. and this really spurs me on. we're all at this stage right now when we have to decide what we wanna take up and dabble in in 5 years time. it's really hard, i definitely know. and what u wanna do may not be available. but there's always something by the name of 'creation'. if you want it, make it yours. and i definitely know you can do it.

actually at the end of the day, i have no good idea if what im saying is relevant. as much as i hope it is. but still. yeah. i really hope it does help in the smallest way possible at least.


mom is thinking of selling the biz. now my future's a blur. for 3 years, this path would flash in my mind almost 5 times everyday. and icalled it - the way to go. but now, the way to go is all but a blur. suddenly i feel like i've lost my direction. i know i cannot demand that she keeps it. cos it's really draining her dry. and my sis too, just 2mths in the company and she's all stressed out. people just never will be satisfied. you don't do what u're supposed to do, and still wanna ask why u dun get more. what crap.
it feels horrible to lose your direction. especially one that has been etched in my mind for 3 whole years. but i'll work things out. and find my way again:) no one's gonna stop for u, we just have to keep going. but still i wanna go overseas to complete my studies.. i yearn for the experience.

feeling so groggy. off to catch up with mom. would love to see more smiles ard.

n before i forget. i think we really need to talk. it won't be a nice conversation. things are gonna fly. but i really need to sit down and have a good thrashing out with u. before i can no longer look at u in the eye.

been extremely pissed the whole day by a lady i call aunt, whom i really feel should just lock her lips and get a life.

on a lighter note, i'm looking forward to tmr. got a meeting again in the afternoon, and dinner with family after that. hoping to change my mom's hp. hah. she wants a pda apparently. and mine as well:) samsung E900.. hah. or a pda will do too. hah. nonsense, gonna burn a huge whole in my pockets. off to sunday:>