hols

hols never fail to bore. but yeah it hasnt been that bad, been to east coast twice in two weeks, caught two movies, having a pretty alright hols so far. went for a seminar on tuesday with mum, formula for success in HR. the first part very much bored me to sleep, but the second part was definitely more interesting though dry. so surprisingly they gave away a pair of complimentary movie tix to every single person who attended the seminar. gonna catch the movie tmr with my cuz:)
other than that, have been watching my vcds whenever i'm home. interestingly im watching the same show but different versions of it. and now am into a korean drama which my aunt lent us two mths back.
have been trying to get temp jobs but they just dun come my way, so going for another interview later with my cuz.
two chalets coming up over the next two weeks, definitely looking forward to them:)
oh and will be meeting up with an old friend on tuesday for another movie at marina. hah.
and now am working on the colouring of the flag for our orientation group for BA orientation in three weeks time. heard there're quite a number of crescentians coming to np. think it'll be nice seeing them:) oh and yes yes yes. am going back crescent on april 8 with them! i really cant wait. havent seen her, and them in a very long time.. :> but i doubt we'll meet either. hah. when u least expect it to happen it'll happen, so im not having any expectations at all:)
oh and yes, im living life out and definitely facing it as well. so thanks :)

cheers. to a better hols :]

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havent been here in a long while.. for weeks i guess. been very tired. almost like i have been deprived of rest for years in the past two weeks. but i guess. the way i handled things. it was wrong, very wrong in fact. when the exams ended yesterday, i simply couldn't find any reason to smile, considering it was the last paper and tt means 1 mth plus break now. felt stupid. very. i mean. i was prepared and could have finished the paper without any worries. but i guess the breakdown pt just came when i simply couldn't carry on with it anymore. was writing nonsense, crappy nonsense. and now i've to live the next 4 weeks waiting for the results, attempting to convince myself each day tt it's over so get over it and move on. i nv knew studies would matter so much to me, until tt when i realised how much it meant to you tt i did well. you've never given me pressure, but i know it means alot because he has always wanted me to keep trying harder each time. im sorry. it really hurts. and as much as i tell myself each day tt it's not everything, it still is at the end of the day. yeah this sounds so stupid. never knew i would be saying such things. im really quite sick of all these smtimes. n each day, i can only look forward to the time when im in bed. when i know another day has passed smoothly, for her and her, and for myself. it's been a while since i last felt this weight pulling me deeper and deeper down.
i havent forgotten the feeling when i showed him the grades each year. but as i picture him looking at my grades the way he used to. im in shame.
im sorry. i failed