been trying to find my way back these couple of days..
absolutely dislike that ambiguous feeling.
mixed thoughts.
whole mind of irrelevant thoughts.
honestly doubt i'll be able to put them out.
but definitely gotta try.
time's running out
for both u and i
so i'll make good each occasion
to try. n try. n try again.

i just wanna find my priorities again.
i need a direction

the talk made me realise alot again.
alot that i nv thought about before
and it allowed me to know u better
so i wish it wouldn't have to be the last
we haven't got much time left
9 weeks. that's the max. i expect
afterwhich we'll head off in our own directions again
as though the encounter nv took place
im really praying
that every night will be one of those
leaving a smile behind when we part

i don't wanna lose you
i don't wanna use you
just to have sombody by my side
but like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door
and like a fool who will never see the truth
i keep thinking something's gonna change

productive day today:) i love such days..
managed to get some work done. and finished up some others.
and mom happily gave me so many piggy banks today.. so i decided. im gonna start saving from tmr onwards. $10 a week. will try to survive on 10 bucks..
i dreamt of my popo yesterday night.. haven't been to see her in a week.. tt's gotta be the longest time i havent seen her.. excluding the times im overseas.. miss her alot..

perhaps. 10 weeks later. i'll tell u.
make it known. give it a shot
and let it go for good.
if it's not to be, it shall not be
and then life goes on
we move on again.

there are many things we've to fight for
and i promise i'll give it my all this time round.
question's not whether u'll be let down
but whether i'll able to face up to it.

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you

was overwhelmed by the sudden surge of emotions again just now..
felt like i could run forever..
it feels like i'm gonna get sucked back into this endless circle..
as much as i wanna let it go
my priorities have changed..

it was one of those rare compliments..
but it really made the difference.
the only things im looking forward to now are the dates marked on my calendar.
the 3days.
but i know i really shouldn't hope
cos dreams don't really come true.

i dislike the feeling of losing.someone.
but i know it's near
10 weeks from now.
will you still be here..?

i try as hard as i can everyday
to convince myself i should just do it
but i fear the consequences
perhaps.

cos of you
it has never been the same again

i felt like crap when u told me that.. u made me start to doubt myself.
how i could be so judgemental.

i didn't realise the impact.. the consequence of my selfishness..
i really ought to do some self-reflection.

now the guilt adds on again. it has never stopped piling on..
and i keep dreaming of the day it'll be washed off by the cheers..

i'm very sorry

as expected, i heard everything i already knew. so it seems i've quite abit of self-awareness..

we'll just have to keep trying harder. putting more effort. looking at it from a whole new angle. hang in there until then.

i enjoyed lunch yesterday. it was nice bridging this gap. if only things could be this simple. i would love every single bit of it. i think everyone has a span of luck to enjoy. it all boils down to how much more of it you have. urs will keep going.

visited gram yesterday in the hospital. she looked so much better. could even argue with the doc when he tried telling her to do physio. :)
but i didn't know what to tell her when she asked.. the truth would hurt. and it wouldn't do her good right now.. but even the white lie was hurting. somebody tell me what i should do..

woke up this morning and the first thing that came to my mind was ur voice. it was so clear. you waking me up. and how i always used to refuse to get up on sundays. and it was then that i realised, so much has changed since then. everything's so foreign now.

please come back to me

i feel the motivation again
that urge to hit the books
finally..
my long lost friend's back.

i want the week ahead to be a fruitful one.
so many things i wanna do.

assumptions
the father of arrogance
u don't know me as well as u think u do
n u don't know that taste either
don't assume u do
cos ur reflection's one of ignorance

haven't found solace, soon to be mine.

in sch lib now. just did 2 tutorials and ief research. hate econs. it's interesting, but it's nv ending..

dun have the blogging urge anymore. good:)

another series of tests tmr, will probably be going home soon to do some mental prep..
hope it'll be a good day tmr:)

been finding all sorts of excuses to contact u.
won't do it anymore.
i think i understand now.
why i feel this way.
cos i nv had before
so when u came into the picture
you coloured my patch of grey.

honestly think i understand now.
it's not that.
it's sth else i've always yearned for.
but nv been able to touch.

finding solace in the piano. -- dancing queen

a lot. a whole load of relief and satisfaction yesterday night.
one week of guilt wore me off.
im very thankful for everything last night.

it meant so much when u said those words.
so much. you will nv understand.
you showed me the way ahead.
and now i'll give it my all.
thanks for the faith.

all that disappointment
wiped clean with a simple smile
the reassurance you gave
shall be with me from now.

thank:)

everyday someone's fighting hard to live.
a day more makes a miracle for them.
yet i spend my days in this endless circle.

really shouldn't. i'll find my way home now.
and put a stop to these nonsense.

cos i promised i would.
i shall. and i will.
bless me.
give me your strength again.
the way you always did.

been listening to this particular song the entire day - when you say nothing at all. oldie, and i love oldies.

went town today for the social psychology experiment. so silly. but gained quite abit. as in saw quite alot. i'm actually alil impressed with the customer service of some shops in DFS:)

all day long i can hear people talking out loud
but when you hold me near
you drown out the crowd

you say it best
when you say nothing at all

it's that look in ur eyes that keeps coming into my sight.

i keep asking myself if what u've been doing is for the very reason that i believe it is for.. am i not doing enough, or just not well enough..?

time after time we have such talks, and each time i come away from it with that same old feeling. and i keep hoping for this feeling to change someday.

i keep trying to find my way beyond that smile. yet the route ahead seems pitch dark.

it's the same question tt has been hounding me for weeks. but i've never got down to asking for ur answer.

and u really shouldn't have rejected my help. cos i hated having to see u leave tt way.

random purple.

trng again last night. and we totally disappointed her again. i know how tt feels. absolutely disheartening. that look, it kinda told everything. it's time we get our act together. we need to do sth for her.

and i honestly cannot stand u anymore. it's really sick, and i really wish to tell u how much i HATE even giving u a 2words answer whenever u talk to me. and quit hanging ard, u nv used to do that so dun start doing it now that he is among the willows. and u dun have to put on that front anymore. just to let u know, we've ALL seen thru u. make life easier for urself, take down that piece of crap on ur face.

had a sweet dream last night. dreamt of him. every once in awhile he'll visit me in dreamland. and it was made even better with u. i really hope u'll be alright..

i'll nv let u walk away that way again.