ytd night was good:)
spent precious time with them
and hsin drove us around:]
somehow the whole idea
that pple around me are starting to drive
makes it all feel so old
the feeling of..
we've all grown up.















things change
and i guess
the stuff u do tgt over the years change too
it just becomes weird to do sth like u did in pri sch
sec sch.
damn awful feeling
but pple just keep movin on.
dun they.

visited ntu hall last night w them
and surprise visit to peishan
weird but nice:)
the past two days have been borin
gg back to sch for NEXT SEM's proj

wat nonsense

but anyway it's more or less done
for now.
next three days in camp
trngs friendly trng friendly
aye
i wanna play a new game
before everything turns stale.

dinner with girls later
off to complete stuff for proposal

BORING

im really tryin to find a new sport
tennis is good
still finding sth tt gives me the adrenaline
and doesnt require interaction w water
suggestions?

smtimes i read
and i cant help but think
if it's been misunderstandings
i dunno.

good day ytd
but it seemed damn long
and yeah
i thought i was done w it
but i realised
i've no idea when i can speak of it honestly
and the way i want to speak about it in
no hiccups
no stammers.

interesting night
thanks man pple:)
time wont heal all wounds
getting ur answers will.
i guess
i hope they'll be enough
to show tt u made a right decision
ms lovely's a lady of steel
i swear i'll nv be able to do tt
the way u asked for ans
but pls don let the hatred overwhelm
look back and be glad u did it.
keep going lovely.

tennis-ed today
and down to gram's
lovely:)

the job offers been coming in
yeap.
but i've been turning them all down
crap.
why must there be SCH again next week..........

and camp. argh
campcampcampcamp.
argh.

oh but one good news for myself:)
aikido lessons startin soon
yeahyeah
dun tap me from behind in future
i may end up throwing u over
HAHA
i wish.

my white house
w many new friends
jenny
nat
cassy
nancy
lizzie
conked out.

all over. yes.
but the satisfaction's really not there.
maybe the effort wasn't enough.
but either way, it's over.
so hols now.
time to start on my plans for the next 7wks to come.
first up: get a job.

5 sems gone.
damn fast
and i havent any idea wat i wanna do
smtimes i think i know
then suddenly along comes sth
and the direction's gone agn
still
off to look up schools and offerings.
pls have a 2 yrs local 1 yr overseas one.

game first now :)

i've songs to acc me thru each phase
and this playlist is prob the best thus far:)
exams exams exams
but my mind's slackslackslack
and playplayplay

and it's so weird telling pple
im STUDYING a website
i don't want a second life btw
nono
not good
cos i suddenly rem
king or peasant
we all dance with the reaper.

we saw the differences today
and i've been irritated smtimes
but i told u still
that thanks.

i felt like a doc today
now i know why i wanted to be a doctor when i was 6
cos it feels good to help
and be helped.

3 wks before germ flies.
and soon. hsin and da.
my chicky club's gonna miss her
and we're gonna miss them too

is it a trend to fly?
ok i'm gonna fly too.
next yr when i finish my 6sems in np
to uk
lookin forward:)

she's too much for me

before sleeping.
resolution 2 (for 2mths break)
1. try paintball
2. tennis at least once every fortnight
3. gym: tbc
4. READ my story books. READ yes
5. sign up for golf
6. out out out. i want out
7. work.
8. oh yes. try minyi's plan.

how to fit these into 8weeks.
plus trngs.
ok i'll think bt it
dream bt it.

and there's camp.
the last camp
meant alot to me
moving up those steps
i nv wanna do it again
and i stoopidly kicked a big stone ytd
w the toe
then it all came back suddenly
well.
good and bad.
only the good remains:)

YEAH. SLEEP

vietnam was good:)
v good break
thou the books kept haunting me every now n then.
shopped shopped shopped
ateateate
die

and i saw again
that's how impt it is to a kid
their support and cheers
tt's perhaps the best gift of all
and i miss it
i nv heard again. then.

been studyin since i hit home
study break seems so short
good
im so gonna get away more often
energised:)

i think it's in every parent
to want their kid to do them proud
but i guess
you did it the wrong way
cos it's fear n loneliness i see in him.
i've always loved it
thou smtimes. yes. i didnt
but still.
sth tt i waited for
behind the fence.

back to vietnam
visited the cu chi tunnels
excellent work
hard to imagine how they could build
with bare hands
and survived
i admired.
and bobby traps
damn good











i tried shooting
super awkward positioning:{
almost went deaf
i think
the soldiers must have been deaf
from years of shooting
bam.

and the first lunch
room service.
we were too tired to get out
and the traffic
nonsense.
how to cross the road??!
almost puked on it

ME: 1 set meal per head?
RECEPTIONIST: yes
ME: Very sure? 1 set meal for each person?
RECEPTIONIST: yes 1 for each person.
ME: ok send it here quick:)
we almost choked on the food
i was sleeping when it came
and i literally saw three ladies carrying these in
literally thought i was dreaming
so went back to sleep
but my mom woke me up with her exclaimation
CRAZY.

SECOND DAY:
SHOPPING

funny. we actually had our ladies night out
twice in 4nights:)


Great steak:)

and check out the traffic. worse than china.


it was an accomplishment to cross 5 such roads on the second day
matter of getting used to it
standing in the middle of the road
and 'making eye contact' with them
letting them weeze past u
and continue TRYING to cross



good trip
good break
couple more days to another break
and start of my postponed resolution:)

sleep.

and when i realised.
it just din hurt
maybe
it din strike tt deep.
well done.

i love thousand miles
i love her hands
i love the piano

so im going to fine tune my piano keys
and play it all over again
from where i left off
so much to do.

next: sexy-saxophone:)
i love.

over.
for good:)
but dreads
it was torturous
esp having to listen for ur feedback
useless and stupid feedback
so. off i went

i haven't been able to speak my thoughts
help

just back from trng.
it still matters
but not as much now
it's just amazing
how sths can be brushed aside
but i think i do tt best
and yes. hold on
keep holding.
till it's over
i'll look forward to those days.

been bit confused
been thinking hard too
ur qs
everyday i see sth diff from u
and yes i'm getting e trust
but im afraid
i can't reciprocate
in the same way
still
it's close to me.
at least
i learnt
u could stay up there.

no expectations
no disappointments:)

too practical
i need to start thinking w tt pumping thud
'stead of tt rotten mind
thanks anyway:)

last presentation tmr for sem.
hope it'll be good
30slides under 7mins.
help
even bullets dun go so fast.

and i lost it today
as much as i meant it
i know u're reading
but we'll talk it thru after tmr:)
and yes, we've come a long way.

i dun noe either

it's getting around.
you shouldn't hear either
it's ok.

enjoy wkend - tennis. yep.
off to vietnam on national day.
anything anyone wanna get?

flying off during study break
genius:)

suddenly the whole world seems to know.
opps

great. off courts. yep.
very cute ladies:)
buibui. haha..
cant imagine some are only 16 STILL.
but sadly christina aka. ah ding is leaving.
sigh.
if only.
nice dinner after games.
and wonderful night.
esp. when u said yes.

i almost asked.

last game.
good fight girls:)
and yep we won it
but no.
it shldn't have ended like that
we lost our direction along the way
or is it just me.

it's getting more evident
more meaningless each time
it's burning all out.

it's just one on yours, and ten on mine.
and that's why i need not know why
till then. we shall see.

shanghai shanghai shanghai
back in singapore but shanghai is still invading much of my time
one last night of rush.
reports
ppts
all out
and a good day tmr
before the next game on thursday.
and shit again.

1 game in the bag. keep going.

after ten yrs.

monotone.
it's all just like a standstill sometimes. since the beginning of it.
serious need to get out of this
keep running running running
when it's the same spot still in fact

problems here shit there
it seriously doesn't stop
it's just so easy to ask for changes
but there's so much to bear behind
and you've just taken ur first step on mine.

i still hate school
never that much before
and all else
dread.

drag on.
for three weeks
then to vietnam
and exams
and break. finally.
i badly need a long break to get sick of breaks
cos im extremely sick of this.
two good months to decide
if a change will be good

moving around aimlessly since sch started
still trying to get the ball rolling
after three weeks
tired.

caught on new show
great dinner on tuesday
you woke me up
from the drunk stupor
envious
of your lil girl
very.

last week of work ahead
then sch again.
excitement pls.

got shoes
finally
it's easy to spend
what's not your money

bam.

a simple sentence
i hope you understood
i repeated it to him
and i know he did.

beat it.
we can't tell
and u
absolutely can't.
i agree
Everything
is just reflection
reaction and resound.

interesting chalet coming up
secretive.
learnt
we all learn
the simplicity sparks.

out to sell next week
we'll just try
before we rot
like the melon.

nightmares
of suicide
and vampires
i need
a brainwash i think
spank it clean
another day tmr.
before the last two to come.

sth caught my attention two days back
i saw e selfishness
enough.
the world doesn't revolve around you
so snap out.
and stop blaming
quit pushing
look at ur reflection
it doesn't speak of you anymore
i thought things were good
until that very minute
it snapped
and everything's been downhill since
you make me start wondering
whether what i've been seeing
has simply been a masquerade
so before you point fingers
please
check ur reflection.
and practise what you preach.
quit the nonsense.

i find
i can speak to u no more.

the day wasn't special in any other ways
besides reminding me how i've wasted time and effort
on what should have never been.
the card
simple
yet it's all i really wanted
thanks girl:)

and yeah
no more.
saw u yesterday
after so long.
but nah.
that's just about it.

wishes from the most unexpected people
thanks all:)

first trng yesterday since december.
slacked. but shagged.
still.
i love running:]

it prob. slipped off ur mind
or u never really bothered.
but i understand
really
i do.
that's y i said
that's just about it.

review session for toe again yesterday.
doc gave the all clear sign
even printed the xray for me
now i know why i had to wait for 3 hours to see him
but still
was immuned to the disappointment i guess
so didn't have too high hopes
especially when he told me last month
that it would have to be another 4-5 months out
but now
i can start training all over again
just one month after he dropped me the bomb
now
just a slight part of the bone still off
i wanna run.
and jump.
making plans now to buy my 6 pairs of shoes
first one will be from my sis
second from my cuzs
the rest.. from my pocket which already has quite a hole

and im enjoying work
surprisingly
interesting tasks
challenging ones in fact
and they only ascertain my beliefs
like what our IC said
--it's all a ploy
we're all players.

gonna be a busy sem after the hols.
meanwhile shall just enjoy working
and of cos. TRAINING:]

i guess
im starting to appreciate your appearance more
soothes the imbalances in me.
thanks:)

nonsense miscommunication.
each time i went over i wanted to give u a pat
and cheer u on
but.
smhow.
the opportunity just cudn't come by
as much as i kept finding
silly reasons to go over.

SATURDAY finally

absence doesn't always make it fonder. nonsense.

work has been alright. tiring, seeing yellow and green.
but nice pple around. patience is the best virtue:)
and they really have it.
kinda found sth that makes me wanna go to work
have this tendency to always do such a thing.

and i've a huge resolution
to settle a huge problem.
and it starts from tomorrow:)

realised it seems so foreign now
so. broke the communication.
been almost a month
and i know it doesn't get any longer
but yeah. that's about it
last episode on 7th feb.

new show awaiting
i believe:)

been listening to the same song the entire day -- self deception
theresa's voice leaves an impression at the first instance.
found a new candy :)

the right lift but with the wrong arms

it's been a yr plus since i last saw them
and i miss the days we used to head off
straight to julie's hse after JJ.
hopefully we'll meet for dinner soon
and more dramatic stories from them:)

first day of work
honestly
i never thought
i would be this interested
considering how i've never been
whenever i see his.
but yes.
learn.
8weeks to go
cheers.

and she taught me yesterday
that there's really no such thing
as living for the moment
it's just not practical.
and we can't be impractical
when the world is round.

that time of the year again.
the dinner
the only one
i'll always be the youngest to attend
that shapes my entire year

tonight
i was told
thrice.
that they don't have a choice.
that i'll understand
in 4 years time
the reason for their persistence.

it's been hard on you
3 and a half yrs of nightmare
and the pain
i've never seen
masked by the laughter.
i thank you
most sincerely.
for helping us
to keep this going.
and i understand
why you never had a choice
even in the first place.
and when u said
we'll have to keep going
even when
we can no longer
support ourselves and stand upright.
cos i learnt
that the last thing we have is a choice.

the reluctance
only gets stronger
with every year's dinner

yet.
it's my only promise to you
one i never
ever.
will break.

and tonight
we aged.

over. again.
tired out
the best way to spend the last and therefore the first day
was their beautiful company
and they give one reason
to look forward to new yr's day.

and this time round
i realised
that my expectations swallowed me.
since then
i realised
that it ceased being a rat race
but one of fulfillment.
and we're only accountable
to ourselves
in this aspect.
to put our pens down
and smile.
they've never put forth
any expectations
yet it has silently crept in on me
resulting in
the extremes of emotions.
and i was reminded again
that all these
are but unworthy pursues
for the ones worthy of our efforts
are those standing by us
giving the reason
to stop in our tracks
and return a word of thanks.

an aim for the next seven days at least:
to dine with her
and knock down the door
between us at 7pm
to watch silly shows together
and listen to her
tell me abt her day
and nag.

i read this.
"King or road sweeper, everyone dances with the Grim Reaper".

will you give me your first dance
before your last one comes

nv done this before. and it's really wearing me out.
productive yes. but overload smhow
i need to consolidate them.
to find more space.
still, he really is someone i thank you for:)

the 4 mins were enough
provided the push
and the energy i needed
but i shouldn't have handled it tt way
..........

v glad it's a once a week thing at least
keeps me going for the remaining days
and anticipating the immediate following days
next week.
once more

it reminded me of then
those 4 days
when everything changed
it's a question
with a never to be reached answer
we'll nv know
how
why
when
where
just that note by the gate
after hours of unreturned calls
and 4 days
afterwhich
it all changed
like a nightmare
the empty seat
is still unoccupied
and untouched
for you.

it's the impossibilities
i keep holding on to
the 'stop' tab has remained inactive
so it's the same notion replaying
over and over again

i wish for my motivation too
like the 4 simple minutes again.

and then we realised again
that all it takes is a snap
gone.
it's that simple
that fast
that we barely saw its worth
until
then.

boring days
burying myself in text
the whole thought of attachment after exams totally doesn't appeal
and i've never missed shoes so much before
for every other day of the year after then
i'm gonna be in shoes
top of my list now
is to get 6 pairs of shoes
and discard all other footwear
2more months
after which i'll run my toes off
this bugging pain should really get out

can't believe it's 'cousins studying time' later
the amazing things we can do tgt
absolutely looking to feb 15
but not 18 19
we lose the chance
every year
to have a happy new year
and every year
we shrink in size
cos it's one down after another
this year.
please keep us tgt
so 2008's new year
we'll finally get to don red

i can't figure this out
4
going 5

false hopes again.
snap out
off.
till im out of this game

i forgot.
how i held ur hand
as u led me across the road
and waited with me
and watched me grow
and taught me to be strong
to shelter her from the cold
im but an ingrate
sorry.
im sorry

ungrateful idiot
me.

you left me wondering if i was just part of ur winning strategy
hypocrisy
hidden agendas
out now.
thanks for the timely reminder
least i know now.

irrational behaviour again
sorry..
the familiar faces
helped me realise tt simplicity still exists.

thanks sy:)
it was enough
now. afresh

and yes. things will only get better
thanks:)

give me the faith. and strength. to keep walking on
like you've always did.
it's nothing comparable to the path u took
so i know
you'll guide me thru.

thank you

just got global cities assignment done
half crescent eyes now..
need to sleep desperately
nonsense..

bbq on wed
i love gatherings:)
hope everything goes well
and everyone enjoys themselves
i wanna see smiles
love them.

tired.
bed looks good
yet foreign
n yes
the simplest things can make you really smile
really depends on how we view them i guess
im positive
we're right

long day tmr..
goodnite

a beautiful mistake

now.
stand up and be counted.

no more drifting
fingers back on white keys
lets play it through this duet

block the voices out

no repetition
no black keys
no pedals
no metronome
just the white keys and me
and the finest piece
all eyes set
bring me through.

inexistent keys
uncovered melodies
and an incompetent me

there is none like you

it hasn't been the same.
since then.
last time
make good
and move on
now
i honestly have an answer
and it's here to stay.

thanks for everything
and..bye.

don't feel like saying anything

forget it..

too late
i neglected
again
i looked in
it wasn't that face
i once saw

i've forgotten
the familiar sight
that familiar voice
the familiar scent
i vividly rem. rolling the paper
and being rewarded with polo mint sweets

i heard alot about you
the negativities
and i developed my own impression
of you, back then
but.
all moms love their children. most. at least.
and i believe
at some point in time
u loved her too

for 3 years
i nv saw u
negligence
i failed
failed terribly
i'm sorry

when i looked in just now
i realised it didn't feel
the way it should have
i
forgot
forgot how it feels
to lose someone
maybe
the immunisation sank in
numb.

history's been repeating itself
time after another
i keep thinking i've learnt
but i keep losing my priorities
and the effort to realise it
this feels.
absolutely.
crap.
it feels like im losing control
of everything
sorry

din expect to let her in on all these
i don't hate him
he din have a choice as well
he would have wanted to fulfill his promise to her
and sing her the birthday song again.
we've been singing on ur behalf
she's in safe hands
rest assured
we'll keep our word.

i miss. both of u.

i guess.
it'll come to an end soon
this time for real
real soon
im coming to terms
with all these feelings

it's not that hard to decipher
definitely isn't
only a matter of whether u bth to
but i know u won't
so i'm not hoping
cos i've had enuf disappointments

last game tmr.
we keep saying we'll make it good
tmr. we really must.
as best as we can
i hope to see smiles
joy.
cos tt's what we've been fighting for
that very chance
on court
to give it our all.

went jogging yest
feels great sweating it out
prob. let out more than just the perspiration
but the whole load of stuff as well
explains the happier mood today i guess:)

i need to start getting work done
so much to do
but i've barely started
been pushing
time to start
when everyone's ending.

she used to give me round polo mints
and i used to play with her chin
used to.
perhaps they've reunited
somewhere out there.

cos i believe
we'll meet again someday

monday blues seriously..
i've been trying to focus for the entire sem
but i can't stop getting flashes
it's the second time
by someone so insignificant

can't understand
how it happened
and went on this way..
for the past 3mths
it has always been the same
and as much as i keep saying
i'm out
i realised
i;ve just been going in circles
the 'back to square one' feeling
thought it was a second chance
but realised it was imminent still
so much more has been going ard me
but im stuck here
in my own hole
unwilling to crawl out
completely retarded

what exactly do i need
to see that i'm wrong
to have stepped into this circle
and put myself thru this nonsense
maybe if u would give me an answer
straight in my face
to dispel all hopes

i'll distance myself
and maybe
after tomorrow
the next time we meet
i'll be able to look at you
without any qualms..

off to lessons 2, 3 and 5 from joanne..

lost it. but third chance came by still.
i said.
we can. we must. and we will.
on and off
we're together in it.
let's make it good.

limin's hse for mahjong after nus game..
played thru the night
lost thru the night too
seriously need to attend mj lessons i think
loser..
brain kinda shut down ard 5.30..
and i think that was when i lost the most
so crappy
7.30 auto wakeup time
managed to figure things out.. hah
then watched some drama and talked till 12 plus..
tried to do marketing proj but cudn't access my phone
it was locked. n i happily forgot the password..
and all the info i needed for the proj was in it
seriously i think im on a streak of bad luck
ultimate suay.
thanks to joanne jy n limin for lending their phones though:)

was supposed to meet ju n germ for dinner
but was too tired to move at all..
totally conked out till 8 plus
super guilty now.. very sorry...

went to get the phone unlocked just now
they reset it..
and i lost almost all the msgs of a very important person
whose msgs i've been keeping since october last yr..
136-18 really equals to heartache..
have been wanting to change the phone but didn't bear to
cos i knew i'll lose the msgs if i did..
but now. argh...
18msgs left, maybe i shld just get it changed.. and let it go.
now the phone's such a turnoff.

i don't want a new face
don't wanna lose the urge to play
i realised you kept it
now i know it means sth to you
yet. i don't know how to feel
crap.
i shld have told u when u asked
but im afraid to lose
in this game for two..

it's simplicity that keeps us going

7 really ain't enough.
that feeling again.
incapable
to do anything.

longest time on tuesday
4 hrs
thanks

but connectivity
zero

sorry

i don't need entertainment.
i need to break free now.

honestly.
we don't connect.
i'm the weakest link.
crap.

sorry

it made me realise
how different we are
whether opposites really attract
think i lost my answer smwhere then.

ur composure struck me
but im glad you're fine
that's what matters most
maybe we ought to keep a distance
lest my span of bad luck gets to u
sth i absolutely wudn't want to see

the mere meeting motivates
drives me through a boring day
may you get a pleasant surprise tmr:)

and thanks. for the second chance
i'll make good the time
i promise.
i won't disappoint
i've learnt my lesson
gratitude.
for the time extension
just as i thought i entered the last lap. a loser.
now i've another min. to race
and i'm inspired
to go even faster. and further
second time round,
i'll give more.
and play the game by all the rules.

thanks.

i'll give the world.

awkward silence
awfully disliked
don't wanna leave it as such
but i haven't got the simplest of ideas
to guide us out of this circle
we need more words
spoken words.

slow down
let me catch up
and bring you back down
let me help
no is the last i wanna hear.

last time i'll be seeing you this way
it's been a rollercoaster ride
brought to extreme ends
only to realise now
what you meant in saying
that we're more often than not, misunderstood
you were
i believe i still am
no less than before
despite the many attempts
to bridge this gap.
if only you would stop
and listen
to what i've to say to you
but ifs truly are inconceivable fantasies.
time's almost up
yet here we are
still going in rounds.

the umpteenth time im feeling this way
and i start questioning
why i never learn
that people come
and they go
and we should take such times
with grace and smiles
cos it's time for them to go
and for us
to move on.

i found reasons for my irrational behaviour
not excuses
but reasons.
we shldn't be excused for irrationalities
but we have reasons to be irrational at times

everyday
i feel im approaching an imminent loss
and now im just a week away from it
from losing a part of what i've embraced into my life

still.
i'll keep believing
that contentment is the word
and the hopes should stop.

enough.


- songbird-

bad start.
but yes. positivities.
the bad goes, the good comes
hope it'll be better next week.

lessons now, just did some silly quiz
home later to work on marketing proj
then back to sch to finalise econs proj
then trng.
sidelines as usual.
friendly with hall team later
hope the girls do well:)

promised i'll be nice
i'll try.
as much as i've always tried to
perhaps u really aren't the one
guess it's gonna be one of the last times
i'll try.
to leave the good with u

project rush this wkend
preparing for emotional outburst
awful.

i wanna help u
if you'll allow me to
i'll try
as much as i know it'll probably go unrequited
still
perhaps the last i can do for you

gd day:)

2006

eventful year
opened me up to alot
and showed me much
not exactly a lousy year
but we always hope for the better
you gain, you lose
that's the way things go, isn't it
lights off now.

- curtains down -

2007

new hopes
new wishes
new expectations
new dreams
new goals
new events
new people
the irony is that it's really just another day
with a different year in the date
but we see things in new light
and everything becomes new
tt's what i mean by , we always hope for the better
hoping that a new year will bring a better tomorrow
which of course is a hope
and we survive on hopes

so i hope that in this new year
gram will walk out of depression
ah ma will keep walking the way she does now
mom will learn to walk with more courage
sis will walk steadier steps
and i'll walk with more faith

- lights on -

to a less eventful year. together:)