been listening to the same song the entire day -- self deception
theresa's voice leaves an impression at the first instance.
found a new candy :)

the right lift but with the wrong arms

it's been a yr plus since i last saw them
and i miss the days we used to head off
straight to julie's hse after JJ.
hopefully we'll meet for dinner soon
and more dramatic stories from them:)

first day of work
honestly
i never thought
i would be this interested
considering how i've never been
whenever i see his.
but yes.
learn.
8weeks to go
cheers.

and she taught me yesterday
that there's really no such thing
as living for the moment
it's just not practical.
and we can't be impractical
when the world is round.

that time of the year again.
the dinner
the only one
i'll always be the youngest to attend
that shapes my entire year

tonight
i was told
thrice.
that they don't have a choice.
that i'll understand
in 4 years time
the reason for their persistence.

it's been hard on you
3 and a half yrs of nightmare
and the pain
i've never seen
masked by the laughter.
i thank you
most sincerely.
for helping us
to keep this going.
and i understand
why you never had a choice
even in the first place.
and when u said
we'll have to keep going
even when
we can no longer
support ourselves and stand upright.
cos i learnt
that the last thing we have is a choice.

the reluctance
only gets stronger
with every year's dinner

yet.
it's my only promise to you
one i never
ever.
will break.

and tonight
we aged.

over. again.
tired out
the best way to spend the last and therefore the first day
was their beautiful company
and they give one reason
to look forward to new yr's day.

and this time round
i realised
that my expectations swallowed me.
since then
i realised
that it ceased being a rat race
but one of fulfillment.
and we're only accountable
to ourselves
in this aspect.
to put our pens down
and smile.
they've never put forth
any expectations
yet it has silently crept in on me
resulting in
the extremes of emotions.
and i was reminded again
that all these
are but unworthy pursues
for the ones worthy of our efforts
are those standing by us
giving the reason
to stop in our tracks
and return a word of thanks.

an aim for the next seven days at least:
to dine with her
and knock down the door
between us at 7pm
to watch silly shows together
and listen to her
tell me abt her day
and nag.

i read this.
"King or road sweeper, everyone dances with the Grim Reaper".

will you give me your first dance
before your last one comes

nv done this before. and it's really wearing me out.
productive yes. but overload smhow
i need to consolidate them.
to find more space.
still, he really is someone i thank you for:)

the 4 mins were enough
provided the push
and the energy i needed
but i shouldn't have handled it tt way
..........

v glad it's a once a week thing at least
keeps me going for the remaining days
and anticipating the immediate following days
next week.
once more

it reminded me of then
those 4 days
when everything changed
it's a question
with a never to be reached answer
we'll nv know
how
why
when
where
just that note by the gate
after hours of unreturned calls
and 4 days
afterwhich
it all changed
like a nightmare
the empty seat
is still unoccupied
and untouched
for you.

it's the impossibilities
i keep holding on to
the 'stop' tab has remained inactive
so it's the same notion replaying
over and over again

i wish for my motivation too
like the 4 simple minutes again.

and then we realised again
that all it takes is a snap
gone.
it's that simple
that fast
that we barely saw its worth
until
then.

boring days
burying myself in text
the whole thought of attachment after exams totally doesn't appeal
and i've never missed shoes so much before
for every other day of the year after then
i'm gonna be in shoes
top of my list now
is to get 6 pairs of shoes
and discard all other footwear
2more months
after which i'll run my toes off
this bugging pain should really get out

can't believe it's 'cousins studying time' later
the amazing things we can do tgt
absolutely looking to feb 15
but not 18 19
we lose the chance
every year
to have a happy new year
and every year
we shrink in size
cos it's one down after another
this year.
please keep us tgt
so 2008's new year
we'll finally get to don red

i can't figure this out
4
going 5