thurs was nice:)
got my haircut. always easier to maintain.
met tiff. thx for the bag girl.. i still owe u 4. hah.
then trng. again, at the sidelines.
managed to get myself involved along the way..
n i figured
when we're able to run, we complain alot and refuse to
but when we really cannot, running seems like a hope too far to reach.
i miss running. miss flying.
post-trng talks again. loves.

fri. stayed home the whole day to rest.
have been planning one day home one day out schedule
give the toe smtime to rest.

sat morning, trng. same thing.
but coach was nice, kept me involved in courtwork.
then headed off to queensway for lunch and to get the shirts
and then to get jy's shoes
the shop assistants were so cheery
debating if man u was gonna win reading
and liverpool beating tottenham..hah.
and some silly lady who was really slow (in her mind)
gave us a good laugh.. hah..
then off to meet cuzs for movie
night at the museum
seriously quite lame, but interestingly funny.. hah
and usual routine of pool after that
before gg far east
got studs
and dinner.. splurged quite abit
and walked so much..
had to bare with the resulting pain
so gonna rest home again today
on 31st. wat a bore.

and i tried yesterday after so much contemplation
i guess certain things are best left the way they are
and it shall be
contentment.

i caught this look in ur eyes
telling me it's as simple as this
guess i ought to be contented. really.
it hasn't been long
but enough to turn my life upside down
and enough to build these ties
enough to keep me going in rounds
2 more weeks
and it'll be goodbye

it's been a year.
so much up and downs since then.
all worn out
but still trying
as best as we can
to keep this going
i miss you.

did some work in sch yesterday.
at least i managed to get alil done.
feels better in sch than at home
definitely.
nice talk with glenn
he made me ponder hard over some stuff

gonna get a haircut later
before i really become a caveman as i told tiff
then gonna meet her in sch
thx for making the trip:)
n trng after that, watchin from the bench again.
will do some shooting n passes
least i can do is that
but it doesn't really matter anymore now
guess, i'm over it.
there's nth i can do, besides coming to terms with it.

hols are coming to an end.
hopefully can catch a movie with my cuzs this sat.
then countdown on sunday
not at home i really hope
i can't stop wanting to walk since i cast the crutches aside

it feels very silly
having Hope as my diet
but it has somewhat become a fact

heck. off to a good day:)

'People become stronger because they have memories they can't forget'

just back from the doctor.
saw the xray of the toe, finally.
n managed to take a pic of it. sadistic.
6 more weeks at least.
which means its all gone.
for good.
it hurts alot.
ten times more than the fracture itself.

you said you'll put me on if i continue
n i told u the only one and most important difference
is that you won't be ard by then
nvm. you won't understand.

the only gift i unwrapped today
i threw away - crutches are off now.
one week on them has been awfully horrible.
n i simply cannot stand them
hobbling around now, but it feels good
at least ive both feet on the ground now

im happy for you girl:)
really glad we can speak this way
n that you understand.
it's urs to be. im sure:)
have got loads to tell you on thurs.
n i know it's not just me.. hah.

and i woke up this morning with a lovely surprise
definitely cudn't have been a better way to start my day
i felt as thou the message spoke to me
and i hope it's personalized:)
as much as i think it isn't. still. it's nice to hope.
im thankful.

as bad as things may get
you make me believe everyday
that everything happens for a reason
and you give me a reason to hope
that the next encounter will be better:)
thanks.

i'm praying over n over again for a miracle
tt's how much i want to get on
dying for the chance
i was just a millimetre away from it
n you took it away
took everything away in a shot
leaving an empty shell behind now
a walking zombie
who just wants each day to pass in the blink of an eye
nv felt this lifeless before
it's tearing me apart

i promise
i won't grumble
i won't complain
i won't negotiate
i won't sulk
i won't sigh
i'll run
i'll do the steps
i'll make the drives
i'll reach for the highest pt
i'll receive the pass firmly
i'll do the shots
i'll do anything it takes
just to get on again
to fight on with the rest
to win it for you.

i'm dying for that feeling again
and it's barely 5days
i can't ask more from this horrid hols
i can't relax
can't not worry
can't not fret
can't just smile n let it pass
cos it means so much to me this time.
just this once. i beg you..

i'm gonna stay home over xmas. and take good care of tt stupid toe
and pray hard that the ortho. will tell me sth nice on tuesday.
sth i can smile over
sth that'll be my best xmas gift
my next best gift
after you.

happy birthday
we miss you.

it was worth it i guess.
but it's pointless telling me such things now.
for i haven't got the confidence to make it
i really very badly wanna go down
and round things up
give you the best present you could receive
and see that smile again

so much i want to do
yet so little i really can do
helpless
3 mths of perseverance
3 weeks to it
so near yet so far
i need a miracle
i'll do watever it takes to get back on
so we'll realise the goal together

the number on my hand
speaks of the times more we'll meet
i lost my chance there n then
give me a clue
to this puzzle i can't resolve

It's so unbelievable
and I don't want to let it go
something so beautiful
flowing down like a waterfall.

you made me believe, that everything happens for a reason.
n u helped us to move one step further
to nullify all the doubts.

a simplest word.
thanks

my curtains came down before the play ended..

i wanna do some shopping for all of them.
this's the season to give. and share.

caught the holiday yesterday.
found it pretty exaggerating.. but some nice parts stil.
and i think. yes. we make it tough for ourselves to move on
by lying to ourselves each time
that he'll come back again
no more the best friend role
you ought to be the leading man

i'm seriously running out of reasons for the constant msging.

if you were a melody, i'd only use the white keys

great day:) shopping with mom n sis today. and aunt's family. bought quite a bit. n got 3 pairs of socks. was packing them in when i realised i've 9 pairs of brand new ones. hah.. sth's wrong with me. wat a stupid hobby.

we're getting a tv. yeah. it's high time we ought to.

so much to do in 2 weeks. gotta start the engine again tmr..

got him a birthday card.
it's the season
it's his time again.

it's playin' over n over again..

tired tired tired

draining training with the sun.
happy afternoon with them
chatty evening with the lil boys n gram.
lovely night with gram.

things r goin to be different again when she's back.
it's gonna be a new period of endless dreading again with them.
i love going back to that home.
the one i called home for 18 years.
the other, it really is nth more than a hotel.
but there's so much unneccessary burden and nonsense to shoulder.
and doubts to bear.
the hotel's cold. but it unlocks the chain.
and life seems much simpler
free from the load of insensibility
5 days more
to a sick cycle again.

finally got down to doing sth i've been wanting to do since Os. tt's ages ago.

those insignificant words made me smile stupidly to myself
yes. it was really sweet of u.
it came in so well. with the rain
that anger simmered with a simple smile
and it keeps leaving me to think how im ever goin to do it.
and u idiot. it's more than tt i want:)

I spent a lifetime hoping it would come to me
Getting lost in the lies I believed
We're covered by a mask that we think is our sin
But we never realized that the truth is within

finally tests are over. we literally have two exams every sem. and tt's sick. alot of luck this time. i think we really have to trust our guts sometimes. when u get too indecisive, just let ur guts give u the answer. and that's exactly what i chose to do for the first time.

met julie germ and partner for dinner.. germ's flying off tonight.. then julie's turn to fly.. all gg off..will be leaving for guangzhou later too.. short trip with mom. and tmr's partner's birthday.. happy birthday girl! yes you're finally as old as i am:>

it has been hard. the distance between us. knew it was goin to be hard, but not this hard. kinda lost focus on preparing for the tests.. until you came along with those words. that meant so much to me. thanks for ur luck:)

two weeks break. as good as nth again. trng camp next week, 2 friendlies 3 trngs in 3 days. test of our minds. hope everything will turn out fine. that things will settle down soon. before the real test comes in january. we've got so much to do.

wanna get so many things.. bags shirts shoes socks ( i love getting socks even though my drawer's full of them), handphone..my wish for santa this year would be cash:)

physical change tmr. yep.

and i realised yesterday, that i've neglected her admist all the tests n work. i need to stop taking things for granted. n wake up.

Tell all the dreams that you have let slip right through your hands
Do you feel lost inside of someone else's life

" He has never complained. He put up with the jealousy of Luis Figo and the comments from team-mates that the dressing room should smell of sweat, not aftershave. Every time he takes to the pitch, he puts his foot in and helps the team with that British spirit of never-say-die. If others had done the same, he would not have gone three years without winning anything"

-- Spanish sports columnist J J Santos pays tribute to David Beckham

musn't be too sensitive. it's bad.
but ur actions prove otherwise.
and words. absolutely disgust me.

yes. u.

second time im telling u.
get lost.

hectic week. stupid tests again. sth's really wrong with this system. we barely get to settle down and it's tests and exams flooding in.

training was ultimately tiring. silly neck.. stupid rain got us stranded with fitness again.
she didn't mention a word. but. it just sunk in for a minute. and my attitude was really bad.. shldn't have done that..

it's gona feel weird not seeing u for a week now..

i'm gonna give myself a break after the tests. a real break. need to refocus and do some adjusting. otherwise im gonna end up in shags. and time to meet up.. haven't met all for sometime.. always the difference in schedules..

and after the change in programmes for the camp, im not exactly looking forward to it anymore. hah. alil still though i guess.

and thx:) for encouraging.
it gives me alot of determination to keep going.
at least i know u care.
and that's enough.

next time - after tests

it's a matter of time i go mad
with all these people around
every sec more is torture
the only reason for persistence
has to be you

what day is it?
and in what month?
this clock never seemed so alive
i can't keep up and
I can't back down
i've been losing so much time

went for run yesterday. after red camp.. which i consider to be quite a success, considering the number of people trying out the shots at our area. even with the mini flood at the beginning. wasn't bit prepared for the neck ache though, from constantly looking up at the pole.

all of the things
that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
i'm tripping on words
you've got my head spinning
i don't know where to go from here

run was alright. managed to make it under the time she gave.. barely managed though. gonna run again tmr morning.. before the parents' seminar thing in the afternoon. the week hasn't been good, except for trng..and smtimes i really ask myself why im stil doing all these..

cause it's you and me
and all of the people with nothing to do
nothing to prove

and it's you and me
and all of the people
and I don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you

still deciding whether i shld go guangzhou with mom after tests and miss 2 trngs or postpone the trip.. every trng is so critical now. heck. it's draining.

there's something about you now
i can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

been trying to find my way back these couple of days..
absolutely dislike that ambiguous feeling.
mixed thoughts.
whole mind of irrelevant thoughts.
honestly doubt i'll be able to put them out.
but definitely gotta try.
time's running out
for both u and i
so i'll make good each occasion
to try. n try. n try again.

i just wanna find my priorities again.
i need a direction

the talk made me realise alot again.
alot that i nv thought about before
and it allowed me to know u better
so i wish it wouldn't have to be the last
we haven't got much time left
9 weeks. that's the max. i expect
afterwhich we'll head off in our own directions again
as though the encounter nv took place
im really praying
that every night will be one of those
leaving a smile behind when we part

i don't wanna lose you
i don't wanna use you
just to have sombody by my side
but like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door
and like a fool who will never see the truth
i keep thinking something's gonna change

productive day today:) i love such days..
managed to get some work done. and finished up some others.
and mom happily gave me so many piggy banks today.. so i decided. im gonna start saving from tmr onwards. $10 a week. will try to survive on 10 bucks..
i dreamt of my popo yesterday night.. haven't been to see her in a week.. tt's gotta be the longest time i havent seen her.. excluding the times im overseas.. miss her alot..

perhaps. 10 weeks later. i'll tell u.
make it known. give it a shot
and let it go for good.
if it's not to be, it shall not be
and then life goes on
we move on again.

there are many things we've to fight for
and i promise i'll give it my all this time round.
question's not whether u'll be let down
but whether i'll able to face up to it.

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you

was overwhelmed by the sudden surge of emotions again just now..
felt like i could run forever..
it feels like i'm gonna get sucked back into this endless circle..
as much as i wanna let it go
my priorities have changed..

it was one of those rare compliments..
but it really made the difference.
the only things im looking forward to now are the dates marked on my calendar.
the 3days.
but i know i really shouldn't hope
cos dreams don't really come true.

i dislike the feeling of losing.someone.
but i know it's near
10 weeks from now.
will you still be here..?

i try as hard as i can everyday
to convince myself i should just do it
but i fear the consequences
perhaps.

cos of you
it has never been the same again

i felt like crap when u told me that.. u made me start to doubt myself.
how i could be so judgemental.

i didn't realise the impact.. the consequence of my selfishness..
i really ought to do some self-reflection.

now the guilt adds on again. it has never stopped piling on..
and i keep dreaming of the day it'll be washed off by the cheers..

i'm very sorry

as expected, i heard everything i already knew. so it seems i've quite abit of self-awareness..

we'll just have to keep trying harder. putting more effort. looking at it from a whole new angle. hang in there until then.

i enjoyed lunch yesterday. it was nice bridging this gap. if only things could be this simple. i would love every single bit of it. i think everyone has a span of luck to enjoy. it all boils down to how much more of it you have. urs will keep going.

visited gram yesterday in the hospital. she looked so much better. could even argue with the doc when he tried telling her to do physio. :)
but i didn't know what to tell her when she asked.. the truth would hurt. and it wouldn't do her good right now.. but even the white lie was hurting. somebody tell me what i should do..

woke up this morning and the first thing that came to my mind was ur voice. it was so clear. you waking me up. and how i always used to refuse to get up on sundays. and it was then that i realised, so much has changed since then. everything's so foreign now.

please come back to me

i feel the motivation again
that urge to hit the books
finally..
my long lost friend's back.

i want the week ahead to be a fruitful one.
so many things i wanna do.

assumptions
the father of arrogance
u don't know me as well as u think u do
n u don't know that taste either
don't assume u do
cos ur reflection's one of ignorance

haven't found solace, soon to be mine.

in sch lib now. just did 2 tutorials and ief research. hate econs. it's interesting, but it's nv ending..

dun have the blogging urge anymore. good:)

another series of tests tmr, will probably be going home soon to do some mental prep..
hope it'll be a good day tmr:)

been finding all sorts of excuses to contact u.
won't do it anymore.
i think i understand now.
why i feel this way.
cos i nv had before
so when u came into the picture
you coloured my patch of grey.

honestly think i understand now.
it's not that.
it's sth else i've always yearned for.
but nv been able to touch.

finding solace in the piano. -- dancing queen

a lot. a whole load of relief and satisfaction yesterday night.
one week of guilt wore me off.
im very thankful for everything last night.

it meant so much when u said those words.
so much. you will nv understand.
you showed me the way ahead.
and now i'll give it my all.
thanks for the faith.

all that disappointment
wiped clean with a simple smile
the reassurance you gave
shall be with me from now.

thank:)

everyday someone's fighting hard to live.
a day more makes a miracle for them.
yet i spend my days in this endless circle.

really shouldn't. i'll find my way home now.
and put a stop to these nonsense.

cos i promised i would.
i shall. and i will.
bless me.
give me your strength again.
the way you always did.

been listening to this particular song the entire day - when you say nothing at all. oldie, and i love oldies.

went town today for the social psychology experiment. so silly. but gained quite abit. as in saw quite alot. i'm actually alil impressed with the customer service of some shops in DFS:)

all day long i can hear people talking out loud
but when you hold me near
you drown out the crowd

you say it best
when you say nothing at all

it's that look in ur eyes that keeps coming into my sight.

i keep asking myself if what u've been doing is for the very reason that i believe it is for.. am i not doing enough, or just not well enough..?

time after time we have such talks, and each time i come away from it with that same old feeling. and i keep hoping for this feeling to change someday.

i keep trying to find my way beyond that smile. yet the route ahead seems pitch dark.

it's the same question tt has been hounding me for weeks. but i've never got down to asking for ur answer.

and u really shouldn't have rejected my help. cos i hated having to see u leave tt way.

random purple.

trng again last night. and we totally disappointed her again. i know how tt feels. absolutely disheartening. that look, it kinda told everything. it's time we get our act together. we need to do sth for her.

and i honestly cannot stand u anymore. it's really sick, and i really wish to tell u how much i HATE even giving u a 2words answer whenever u talk to me. and quit hanging ard, u nv used to do that so dun start doing it now that he is among the willows. and u dun have to put on that front anymore. just to let u know, we've ALL seen thru u. make life easier for urself, take down that piece of crap on ur face.

had a sweet dream last night. dreamt of him. every once in awhile he'll visit me in dreamland. and it was made even better with u. i really hope u'll be alright..

i'll nv let u walk away that way again.

caught the guardian yesterday. i really enjoy such movies. really do. but i realised im always having difficulties breathing when i watch them. and tt's why i guess, i prefer comedies. would rather spend 2 hrs laughing over sth silly than 10hrs on such shows. cos it doesn't stop playing when the lights come on. it lingers. for the next few hrs, the next day, and prob. even the next whole week to come. i dislike the pain that comes with it. and that very scene i keep trying to get over just won't quit replaying in my mind. im scared.

i used to think how things would be without u. but i realised i shouldn't have wasted my time on them. cos it wouldn't take long before the answer was slapped in my face.

my heater's gone, and all that left's the freezing chill.

random pics from my gram's birthday dinner. which was.. last sunday. hah. one big family. held close together with her small hand:) i love holding her hands, though i always have to slant my body to one side to accomodate her height.. and i'll nv forget the way she held mine all these yrs:)







taking silly pics before dinner.. hah.. she's xiao bao. and im xiaolongbao. hah.. of cos. my mom's dabao. hah.











the cuzs i hold dear. we've grown up tgt, and shared alot. used to have our daily saturday night mini gathering at the macs below my gram's place.. but macs moved away, so we kinda havent really stuck to the weekly thing anymore. but we r always trying to make an effort to meet up:)

pic's not clear thou..






one big family. with my gram:) it takes ALOT of persuasion and effort to get her to leave the house... and she was so happy tt day, kept smiling for every pic like an innocent kid.. love her sooo much!!









with my uncle's family:) one of the pics in which she smiled so perfectly.. hah. tt lil boy in there used to be soooo naughty u just wanna kick him. hah.









gram just had a haircut yesterday, by my aunt. she looks even cuter now. hah.. and every night when i say 'gdnight' to her, she replies with a 'gdnite' too. hah.. and she always makes it an effort to try speaking to me in english when i say some english words to her.. other than that, it's normally conversations in dialects. :) she was like my mom, looking after me when my parents were busy with work in their younger days. and im so thankful she's still by my side after all these yrs..

just back from dinner not long. super ex. dinner at lawry's at paragon.. three servings of lawry's cut and two lobster's tails.. my god. 3 people and we spent like 400bucks on FOOD. am gonna have to live on bread for the next few days to ease this guilt.. my serving of beef was soooo thick i thought they loved me so much.. so i chewed and chewed until i got so sick of chewing i wanted to puke. it's really quite disgusting to taste the same flavour continuously.. my crazy mom insisted on having it for dinner.. after she spent 300bucks on my specs. cos of my stupid lazy eyes. i really need to scrimp now.. saw so many things tt i wanted to get but cudn't even lay my hands on them after spending 700 in 2hrs.. mom always consoles herself saying it's not everyday that we eat such stuff. i chose to think like her for the first few times, but now.. it's quite hard to convince myself to eat gold.. but still, we really enjoyed the dinner:) it was a simple day out in town. but sth that we rarely do.. so it really means alot when mom agrees to go shopping with us. we seldom go town together, not even back then, so it makes me really love such days:)

short day tmr, two lectures only. then trng.. serious trng now. crap.

my mind has been clear these 2days. there's been good progress. but tmr. it'll probably be the real test. of whether i've really moved on.

i subconsciously seek the presence of tears each time u laugh. n i pray everyday. that they'll dry up someday.

great day of lessons:) i enjoyed.. hah. love accounts. and marketing's getting interesting..seems like im making a right decision to heed ur words. just spoke to mom and sis bt the electives, and i figured. heck. challenge is what makes you come out stronger than the rest. and as sis said it, everything happens for a reason. i like to draw alot of motivation from them. it has never been easy for women to establish their footing in the world out there, but mom has done it great. and sis is coming up too. i've always believed that u left us for a reason. and i find myself right time after time.
unless u've been put in such a circumstance, u'll never know how it feels to see some light after a stretch of what seemed like endless darkness.

break again tmr:) gonna get my specs and contacts done.. hopefully can go town to get them. considering how much mom doesn't fancy gg town. hah.

i can't wait to drive.. first theory lesson has made me drive even more.

and i simply cannot believe all the crap and ridiculous stuff i've been hearing the entire night.. it's absolutely crappy. u really need to get a life and stop thinking the whole world's gonna do sth to ur girl.. mann u're crazy. don't expect the world to accomodate ur lack of trust in her and faith in urself. so quit tryin to put us in a spot idiot.

the beat keeps me going

listening to two great songs now:) makes me so much lighter. hah. songs from a fren's band.. what a way to end my dreadful day of tutorials. hah.. a load of thanks.
i knew i was waiting for something like tt to release me from this crap. now i've found it, and thanks soooo much:> whoever the singer davin is, i totally love you. hah.

will upload them soon:) it's amazing how music therapy works. hah.. i havent felt so good in a really long time.. like i cud just plug these 2 songs in and listen to them thru the night and go to sch super early tmr:> thanks loads mann stam. hah.. as i just told tiff, i feel alive.

took 4hrs to do stupid aaa tutorial.. really can't concentrate with the com on.. must be more disciplined joyce.
long day at sch tmr, 9-6.. disgusting. then driving lessons after that.. at 6.. hah. gonna cab down from lecture..

actually i wanted to tell u, that for awhile, i thought it was mutual. 'was'. maybe the timing could have been diff though. it was a funny feeling. and i kinda didnt really acknowledged it, cos it nv struck me tt i would feel tt way.. didn't exactly know how to tell u earlier on. so yup. now we've both cleared our junk:)
it's been a long while since i last heard such news. hah.. the past is still quite vivid.

i wish the sun would shine a lil brighter:)
all set for a brand new week

met tiff today. talked quite abit. she kinda got some stuff thru me.. for awhile. hah. but yep. i know what i need to do right now. for the next 4 months at least. so i'll change gears asap. since nth's gonna come out of it, i'll be pro-active for once.

pro-active = u said it.

every word u say gives me so much pressure. smtimes i really hope u could come ard and tell me everything's fine. but it has nv been that case.. it's always.. ' although... but..' why can't u just stop before the 'but'?
u tell me u wanna fast-forward the times u spend guiding me. and i wish i could explain, that the only reason why im taking so long to absorb ur words is becos of u.
i seldom find it hard to look someone in the eye, but it just nv happens with u.
so. i'll start looking into ur eyes, and taking ur words at the very level u speak. and no more pressure from u. enough.

tutorials day tmr. gonna do aaa and pmkt.. then gotta settle some stuff.. hopefully things will turn out fine.. done for the day. bad week. next week will be better:)

mom's my angel.

signed up driving. gonna get over n done with the two basic theory lessons next wk, even though i've passed the test. some stupid procedure to follow.. then on to advance and sign up for practical at the same time. hopefully i'll be able to drive around by my birthday next yr:) went back sch at 3 to do some stuff for polympics. crappy stuff. then meeting at 6 with the committee. nice people all of them:) kinda settled most of the logistics, left with some bits and pieces to prepare. tired again. self trng tmr morning.. gonna try to get a gd nights sleep after last night's terrible rest.. asked limin bt her course of specialization and kinda see a lil light now. should be marketing, otherwise, HR.

and this morning's lecture was the first time i've been so focused this week. i really listened to his every word. and yes i understood everything for once. gotta keep this going and slap aside everything else.

it felt weird sitting beside u in that uncomfortable silence before u left. i hope u'll talk to me if sth's wrong. pls do.

and today. i didn't listen to a single track of that list. the very list that makes me lose my way. i found new songs. and i've got a new list. and i find myself not waiting by my phone anymore. when we meet next wed, u'll be out. yep.

i'm movin' on.

bye.

boring lesson today.. social psychology.. only good thing is that the lineup for the next 5 weeks seem more interesting.. if one day u see me doing sth really absurd and ridiculous in town, pls act normal, and behave as u would if it's someone else. i'll just be carrying out an experiment to observe people's behaviors and reactions:) lesson was boring, very theoretical, but learnt a lil too.

i keep going in circles, with absolutely no idea how to walk a straight line. i need to focus. i haven't been able to concentrate at all. not a single thing i've learnt this week has gotten in. it's time to snap out of this vicious cycle and run along again. 3 more days of nonsense. after which i'll not think abt it anymore.
i'll construct my reality. i'll convince myself with a reason for not thinking. cos things shouldn't have gone this way. right.

so the next time we meet, u'll be out of my mind.

moving on to track 7

not too bad a game last night, didn't manage to reach her target of 8, but the overall play has improved alot. so we've achieved our aim in joining this competition even though we were barely prepared.
all went for dinner after the game. then home again at 11. tired.

i'll quit thinkin bt u. dont like the feeling of having to anticipate and watch meticulously for ur every move. i miss the freedom, where nth else mattered much. and i won't allow myself to fall in any deeper. out i come.

give me a reason to stir up these feelings.

trng again last night. shagged.. but we finally worked things out, the motion's there. and im starting to feel the way i did when sy and i played tgt back then:) lovin' it.
aching up down everywhere, it's just a matter of time i'll sprain both loose ankles.. just lemme last thru tonight's game will do. last game tonight. it's of great importance. we definitely can't win, but our only concern is to bring the goal diff as lil as possible. new combi tonight, hope it works out the way it did yesterday night:)

and im really loving trng now. thanks so much.
ur presence makes a diff.

because of u

awful week. terible games. only consolation came when gram smiled so much at dinner last night. we celebrated her birthday yesterday over dinner at west coast. we haven't seen her smile so much in almost a yr.. the atmosphere. perfect. when we sang her the birthday songs, each and every one of us. teared. that kinda feeling. it's as though u're really grateful for all that u have now. as much as we may have conflicts every now and then, we're just so grateful she's still with us, still holding the entire family together, and slowly stepping out of this horrid circle of depression. we've come a long way, almost 10 mths in this circle. it has been really tiring. we've shared her depression. day in day out we hear her groan and moan. it definitely has got to us, however small an extent it may be. and it's only at such big gatherings that u feel the warmth of a big family. at the very second itself, the coldness disappears and warmth rushes in. i love them all. even my aunt who nv seems to stop irritating me. they've all been there for us, and they are also the ones who taught me to grow and to love. :)

this aside, played 3 games over 5 days. lousy. another game tmr. and my partner went down with a tear in her ligament. of all things to happen.. only can hope for the best tmr.

trying hard to get over this feeling. i know i can do it.

and thanks loads ms lovely, for bringing me to terms with my past:)

been finding all sorts of ways to get out of the house this week. it's really too pressurizing at home. i feel like her personal maid. crap.

tues's training got me a lil scared of myself. how i actually enjoyed training more with coach. i clearly remember how i used to dislike her so much i had to drag myself to trng. and even wanted to quit the game cos of her. but now i've found one more reason to go for trng whole-heartedly. and i totally love it again. next week's a competition week. we're playing in the POL-ITE competition with the other polys and ite. and i've been hearing alot bt how the other polys have been preparing for the games, especially sp. and when i think of how we only really got our players 3 weeks again, a whole lot of inconfidence comes around. in either case we'll just try our best and keep learning. it's the ivp games in january that really matter still.

met annie hsin da and sy last sat:) had steamboat at turfcity, then went down to island creamery. hung ard and did alot of catching up.. i really miss those days when it was netball at 6.30am and netball again at 3.30pm. when i spent my time on sth i thought was my life. shall try to meet up for a game after their As:)

and last nite was steamboat again with carolyn and aaron. they looked so tired.. one came from work, the other from blading. and me. from home after trng. told that girl something i think shocked her. at least it seemed that way from her look. then went arcade for bishi bashi (if tt's how u spell it. hah.) i realised all my frens love this game. for i dunno what reasons. hah. then she taught me sth really interesting while we were on the train. we were packed like sardines but there was still some space and we were trying to get our balance. so she just stuck out her second finger. so naturally i asked, and she said it helps to keep u balanced. and when i wanted to try it after that, the dumb train jolted so i ended up 'dancing', in her words. hah. she's flying off to bangkok.. and i'm stuck here finding ways to escape. told her to get some hermit crabs for me:)

then of cos, back home again near 11.. was too late so culdn't do any catching up with my cuzs. oh and i have no freaking idea if it's coincidental or what, but i just realised that on two occasions, after i meet my cuz's gf for the first time, both ended up as the last time i would meet them. it always seems such that a month plus after i talk to them, they'll break up with him.. think i shld just keep clear and not ask him to let me meet her. so now he's escaping too. both of us, from reality.

there are plans to go europe in december, after common tests:) can't wait!

gonna teach a class of sec 3 students, financial investment stuff next tuesday. first time teaching. even presentation has only been in front of at most 25 people. now it's gonna be 40 odd. and it's teaching. im really praying it'll go well. went NUS last sunday for first session of trng and was there again just now for the second round.

last week of holiday next week, three days down for games, 1 for trng, 1 for rest, 1 for work, and 1 for meeting up. going eyecentre on wed, hope i'll get the letter of approval allowing me to drive.. then fri visit to newater for tour.. just becos they are gonna sponsor our event.. what a chore..

certain things are just too random. it's better off not knowing than trying to find out. makes the world a simpler place to live in. each time i read such things, everything starts coming. so better off not reading.

clubhouse

came to sch ard 10 to do my IS enrolment, had to trouble glenn to help me check if was accessible cos i knew i wud be late. thanks loads glenn! and yep got in without any hitch, amazingly. but there were few modules to choose from.. wanted to take social psychology and service innovation but the latter was only available from week 1-7, so had to end up taking global cities. had to enrol real fast cos every time u move away from the particular enrolment page, a slot wud be gone and there were only like 1 or 2 slots for each module. my goodness. count myself lucky. then headed for clubhse, and did some own training and shooting. enjoyed:) preparing for sat's game with coach's friends.. gonna get whacked for sure. so now im sitting in the clubhse blogging. gonna stay home tmr probably. prob if carolyn's not working then will get out of the house or sth. otherwise, a full day at home. i think the situation's quite bad now, as in i can stay home the entire day without speaking a single word to my irritating aunt. considering the constant movement around her, it sounds weird not to be talking to her. yet i totally don't feel like i wana say anything or even listen to her. crap.. it's so pressurizing everywhere. even at home. so much responsibility just cos she doesn't wanna get a maid. argh. so i've to sacrifice my time to look after my gram every single minute of the day. and she'll never get well with all the attention showered on her. i mean who won't want attention and care, it's such a natural want and need. but when u overdo it, u'll kill the person. it's hard to even get out of the house.

had work yesterday, first day of work since my hols started, and shld be the last. one day thing only. did some escorting and helped out at the counter at the world roads conference. how lame can the name get. not too bad, met some nice people, and realised how much we chinese take things for granted, like everything and everybody ought to be at ur dispense. it's disgusting. i really like the way the caucasians actually show that they appreciate ur help, as small as it may be. it really means alot, and i definitely wanna learn this aspect of their culture. that aside, it was pretty much a fine day. i always enjoy meeting delegates:) hah. other than attending to the guests from time to time, carolyn and i were rotting quite abit. had time to even play pictionary. hah.somehow my jokes make me laugh at myself real hard. hah.. and her stupid 'hai de hen duo er zi'. hah.

was dead tired when i got home.. all the walking in the heels got me so tired, instead of the work.. heels are awful. i love shoes and slippers.

oh and i really loved sunday's dinner with my ah ma and aunts. they're all so nice.. despite us not going down to my ah ma's hse often.. it means so much to me when i feel their love. and i know he would be very happy if he was around with us. but i know he's always around:) i was telling my mom on sat bt how much i missed my ahma's spicy minced meat with extra lots of garlic, and on sunday she turned up with what i was wishing for exactly:) and she's always telling my sis and i to let her know if we wanna eat her tom yum soup or pig's heart cooked in ultra delicious rice wine, and she would go to the market, get the stuff and cook before my mom goes down to her place to bring it back for us. that's why she's such a sweetie. she makes me feel so guilty forhurrying my dad and mom back from her place every time we went down when we were young. but what hurts most is how i was told that my gonggong would wait for my family to reach before starting the meal. and i was so reluctant to have dinner at my ah ma's place last time, so knowing this only after he left took me down back then. i just wanna love my ah ma more now.

gonna finish up a book and return soon b4 i get another fine.

finally decided to blog. haven't updated for some time..

timeline-- exams ended, went perak, back with a disgusting bout of stomach flu (what's new), started training again, slacking at home looking after gram, meeting up with the girls:), looking for a job now (after 2 weeks of rotting), getting in shape for upcoming games, visiting nat. eyecentre, signing up for driving again, and lastly taking a good break.

kinda routined life, 4mths of slogging then 6wks of break.. seems like good, but the 6weeks makes it hard to get into condition for the following 4mths after that.

perak trip first:
i honestly dunoo how i should put it, whether it was enjoyable or not, cos the after-trip thing made it so sick. but yep i guess i realised my weaknesses, coming face to face with water has never been more frightening. it was definitely fun, the rafting and the abseiling. only that the body rafting drill made me rooted to the ground. very much regret not doing one of the drills, but still, am glad i actually did manage to calm myself down for the last one and the capsizing. need to go do sth bt it i think..overall, quite an enjoyable trip:)

came back and got the silly gastric flu again so was stuck at home for 4whole dreadful days.. and it made me remember the very first time i experienced this sort of pain, when i was 8. it was so painful then that i just rolled around the house and my dad carried me on his back to the nearest clinic, with me crying non-stop. his back was unusually warm. then got it a couple of times again throughout the yrs, and another time in china, lijiang. he was also the one who brought me to the hospital and stayed just beside the whole long night. the sight of the doctor and hospital obviously didn't make things better cos the doc was limping to me, and the toilet walls were like, splashed with shit. and the oxygen tank, it's literally the huge long metal oxygen tank they used ages ago. but still, i felt so safe with him by my side. always have been.

went to driving centre to sign up for the practical lessons last week, but i was told to get a letter from the eyecentre to certify me fit to drive with the lazy eye problem. argh.. so gt an appt for the following wed, afterwhich i'm gonna sign up straight away. i wanna drive. and sis is giving me daily reminders to get my license. what a nag. other than that, gonna try to get a job for the last 3 weeks of hols, and prepare for the games starting 9th oct.

met germ julie and my partner yesterday in town, chilled out and talked for 5htrs. talked alot. and thought alot. hah. even after we left..

oh yes and got my ipod video.. finally:)

going off for dinner with my ah ma and aunts. love her loads. she's such a sweetie.

no updates, kinda tired. was telling the insect i dun have the urge to type anything that takes more than 5 sentences.. so replies to tags, and will be ard again when i can get some pics up..

i feel determined to train.

shagged

dead tired. just back from suntec. had a meeting for the yen event at raffles city.. met three guys, three markly diff yet impressive guys. one 25 yr old guy- communicator. a 40 odd one i think - director of an education centre. and a 20yr old NS man who has his own business and so many biz deals waiting for him to take on. im really impressed. i mean, when i think bt what i'll be in 2yrs time, i still see myself studying. but this 20yr old guy, he has a biz. and many more businesses to go for after NS. and tt makes me really impressed. i like meeting such people, they really give me the motivation and drive to work harder:)

met my mom and sis at suntect. my crazy mom bought soooo many things.. things which should be bought by my sis. hah. think she spent half her monthly salary today. but it's nice seeing her so happy. at least she's doing what she wants to, sth she likes. and since the money's hers, there's no reason for her not to spend either. and yesh i got my watch.. like finally.. it caught my eyes about 3 or 4mths back and it's not until now that i've decided to get it since i was with mom. hah.. finally. i have a watch i call mine. hah. went for dinner after that and ordered like.. 8 dishes? crazy people. 3 of us eating 8 dishes. mann.. that explains why we're all getting fat. hah. and the best thing is that we actually finished the food. hah. i love eating out with my family. sth that we seldom do..

gotta do the ppt for presentation tmr.. hope it'll be a good one and that the tutor won't shoot us down with his qs..

bam. off to bathe.

oh well

project's done. left last presentation. hope it goes well. have been rushing ecd the past few days. had a terrible day yesterday. rushed to complete ecd on thurs day. slept at 4.30 and got woken up at 5.50. was so annoyed that i flared up at mom and sis. i know i shouldn't have. iand im glad i apologised to my mom. thx for being understanding mom:)

went kayaking today. was exposed to some stuff i thought i wouldn't hear. but i realised it doesn't exactly bother me either. so.. hah. right. great time today, though very tiring.
feel that you havent been too right recently. but i dun really know where the prob lies.. still. i really wish i cud do sth. if only i cud. but. in any case, i just wanna let u know - look below.

and so to you:
reading ur blog these couple of days hasn't been a good experience. in fact, it makes me start guessing and trying to find out more. i know im not in the position to say that. cos my entries are so random sometimes too. no names. just a hope to get it across to that particular someone. and i guess tt's the only reason why i haven't asked you anything on that matter. i don't know how to put forth the question. and it doesn't help when i feel im part of the whole issue. it's just that. i really don't wanna see such things happening. yet i have no idea at all what i can do to ease this prob.

so i just wanted to say. the grades on your report isn't not everything. the society's practical, merciless, cruel. this is what reality is all about. i definitely have to agree. but i believe you have got what it takes to find ur seat up there. i honestly do. i daren't say i know how exactly it feels for u, but i've been in the same position before, and it really isn't nice at all. for 2 whole years. it wasn't until i did business that i realised my niche. and this is why i say u have what it takes. but it lies undiscovered as of yet. i'm in no place to judge people. but working with u and having known u for a year odd, i have seen the many qualities in u. u may feel u aren't in ur niche area at all now, but dun look back anymore. look ahead and see what lies in front of u. if it's a total haze, then craft it out slowly. one step at a time. and soon u'll be able to see the path you should and want to take. it sounds so cliche. but trust me. u'll make it through. and come out at the place u very much wanna be at. mom always tells me - you pave your own path. the future's urs, so u decide what you want. and i really wanna tell u the exact same words. you don't have to go uni and get a degree just to get a good job. the market's flooded with such people now. but so many are still jobless and unhappy with what they're doing. the society structured this ladder up for everyone. but there are always people who build their own ladders. if what u're doing now isn't ur niche, then find yours. can't change now? no worries. there are lots of opportunities out there for u. it's all in ur mind. again, quoted. i always like to think abt how my dad set up his own business with that $20K from my grandfather. and this really spurs me on. we're all at this stage right now when we have to decide what we wanna take up and dabble in in 5 years time. it's really hard, i definitely know. and what u wanna do may not be available. but there's always something by the name of 'creation'. if you want it, make it yours. and i definitely know you can do it.

actually at the end of the day, i have no good idea if what im saying is relevant. as much as i hope it is. but still. yeah. i really hope it does help in the smallest way possible at least.


mom is thinking of selling the biz. now my future's a blur. for 3 years, this path would flash in my mind almost 5 times everyday. and icalled it - the way to go. but now, the way to go is all but a blur. suddenly i feel like i've lost my direction. i know i cannot demand that she keeps it. cos it's really draining her dry. and my sis too, just 2mths in the company and she's all stressed out. people just never will be satisfied. you don't do what u're supposed to do, and still wanna ask why u dun get more. what crap.
it feels horrible to lose your direction. especially one that has been etched in my mind for 3 whole years. but i'll work things out. and find my way again:) no one's gonna stop for u, we just have to keep going. but still i wanna go overseas to complete my studies.. i yearn for the experience.

feeling so groggy. off to catch up with mom. would love to see more smiles ard.

n before i forget. i think we really need to talk. it won't be a nice conversation. things are gonna fly. but i really need to sit down and have a good thrashing out with u. before i can no longer look at u in the eye.

been extremely pissed the whole day by a lady i call aunt, whom i really feel should just lock her lips and get a life.

on a lighter note, i'm looking forward to tmr. got a meeting again in the afternoon, and dinner with family after that. hoping to change my mom's hp. hah. she wants a pda apparently. and mine as well:) samsung E900.. hah. or a pda will do too. hah. nonsense, gonna burn a huge whole in my pockets. off to sunday:>

once again nothing's gg right. have been feeling extremely low and annoyed this week.

and i realised it's still a raw nerve after so long. i shldn't have said that i know, but i mean it. i think, in my world, he is way up there, and no one. no one person will ever be able to smear this vision. u didn't know how much it hurt when u said that. and i meant what i said. it's an insult. as much as i wont expect u to know, i hope i won't have to say such a thing again.

just wanna get over n done with this last proj. it's draining me dry.

why...

i seriously cannot understand why there'll still be people catching pirates now.. it's into the third week and cinemas are STILL fully packed.. once again, i cudn't catch pirates yesterday cos tix were all sold out. left with the later shows only.. argh.. when can i ever catch it.. and lake house too. wanna catch these two..

on a lighter note, met up with germ julie and atiqah for dinner yesterday:) and as usual, neos again.. hah. man.. we hav never failed to not take them when we go out.. n i seriously need to go for neo taking classes. hah.

had some netball event for the sports n wellness students yesterday morning..quite nice seeing them enjoying themselves, with the exception of the last part where two guys almost fought. guys..
i miss netball, as much as trngs are on every week. i miss a good game of it.

gotta mug for exams d.. two weeks time.. with lesons still on next week.. what nonsense..

hae been having this urge to take up my piano lessons again.. will consider doing just so after i graduate i think..

going for breakfast now.. will be rushing my last project later.. dislike projects. no. hate.

and to butcher: we've had a lot of bickering this week. lame nuts. but it's good at least, since i'm getting to know u slightly better. and things are moving on. sadly things have settled only now. but still, sorry for all the misunderstandings. hope it'll be a much better experience the next time round:) PEACE!

in love with 'someone there for me'.

when the dreams fall away, and the promises forgotten, will there still be someone there for me..

GREAT!

wooh great day today:> just back from gram's place. had training this morning, barely can consider training though, but still, it was good to hear feedback from the yr 1s. so we'll do sth bt it no worries:)

afternoon -- went julie's house for BR2! was late cos of some stuff at home and made them wait for me again.. especially germ who had to wait for 45mins.. so sorry girl.. then went JEC to get lunch.. so hungry, decided to get long john's with germ. hah. my fave fast food rest. with my most beloved CHICKEN:) then off to julie's house to watch BR2. yeah! it was nice initially, but i guess it wasn't as interesting as BR1 cos it was less morbid this time round.. and they had more advanced weapons.. instead of the pots and pans and other weapons that the students had to use in trying to kill each other in BR1. hah.. sadistic pple here.. hah. the storyline was quite meaningful though, but it required some explanation from atiqah and germ to make julie and i realised that it was sth about america. hah..

so we actually planned to have our 'bonding time' as germ suggested. hah. nonsense lah.. ended up walking to videoezy to rent a show. rented Date movie and caught a bus back. hah. lazy pigs.. my goodness until now i still think it was such a wrong idea to rent tt dumb show.. hah.. 1) disgusting.. tell me bt the part where the dad puked out hair.. hah. 2) stupid storyline.. BUT. it was cheap humour lah huh.. hah. have to say it was a great way to spend the rest of the afternoon. hah..

and the last thing we decided to do -- sms to SI. hah. mymy.. another CHEAP humour.. hah.. julielo sent in a dumb message and we ended up waiting for the msg to appear whie watching SI.. and of cos waiting for jon leong to sing too. hah. sexy voice.
so when we finally decided to leave, i suddenly saw the msg on tv.. hah. and because julie l0 was recording it, we rewinded the tape just to c the msg.. hah. now u see why i say it's CHEAP humour..

wanna say again.. GREAT day today! really enjoyed myself just slacking at ju's house.. everytime i meet up with them i always enjoy myself to the fullest:> and that definitely was a terrific way to end off my week of mugging for tests and the sim thing..

oh and we didn't manage to make it to the finals cos of horrid competitors collaborating to ensure that one of their school's team makes it to the finals.. i mean what's the point of it? it definitely doesn't help at all u see. cos no one's gonna sacrifice to let another team win in the finals. so you're just gonna lose lose lose.. have to say it was really a great experience playing this simulated game:> learnt a lot and applied some theory work. will be looking out for more of such competitions in future:)

so generally, it was a week that was not too good from mon-fri, but the wonderful sat balanced it again:> i'm totally looking forward to meeting them again! hah..

it's always easier to look back and smile than look ahead and frown.

thurs morning

so lazy to do anything to my blog but decided that it needs a bit of colours. so just took this from the pre-designed ones. will put up the tagboard again sometime later.. simple acts but i just get so lazy to do them. nonsense.

seems like a great day today:) got up at 7. it's seriously amazing since i've been getting up at ard 5am for the past 11 years. hah. nice start, hope it'll be a nice day ahead:>

nothing much these couple of days, had my cma test on tues. awful, but heck it's over and done. ecd test tmr. then probably meeting them for battle royale on sat:) yes yes. training first on sat though. didn't go for trainings last week cos of the sim thing.

iv'e no idea why but i really feel a sense of accomplishment when i borrow reading materials from the sch lib. hah. borrowed two books yesterday for reference, gonna get the other two today:) just the thought of it makes me tick. hah..

ok so gonna do umpiring later for the mixed street netball competition that we organised. hopefully the same awful scenario won't happen again. it's always a waste to be disqualified or lose out in a moment of folly.

ok off to gram's place. her appetite is getting better, signs of slight improvement:> can't exactly describe how cute she can be sometimes. when i got back from sch yesterday, she was choosing her clothes to wear for the visit to the doc's today. hah.. after complaining so much.. making such a big matter out of seeing the doc, she actually still bothered to spend 20mins choosing her set of clothes for the session. hah.. and better still, ended up choosing two and saying that she'll make her choice today. i believe she's deciding on the one she'll wear right now. hah.. old people can just be so adorable. hah..

oh and i think i'm starting to understand that person better. at least i feel we now can talk. and that's, good.

off to another day with my papers and books:)

i saw your tears behind that mask

catching up

caught up a lil with tiff yesterday. havent seen her in ages. hah. always nice to hear from people i havent seen in a really long while. hope she does well in her new sch:) and of cos, new course:>

managed to make it into the semis of the sim mgmt competition which i totally still can't figure how we actually did it. hah. but yup, another 4 rounds of it next week, hopefully we make it to the finals! that would really be great:> hah.. only 6 places out of 36 teams.. uphill task from here it seems.. but a trip to macau with those guys sounds good. hah..

the day didn't start well at all. actually it didn't start well for every single day of this week. for some unknown reasons im always finding myself late and i hate being late for sch.. and when i have to hurry like mad, i'll start blaming my mom for everything.. i simply deserve to die.. and for one day when i dun have to rush, she still doesn't have a gd morning cos of stupid rantings from my irritating aunt. argh.

going for movie later with the guys:) can't wait to watch keira knightley again.

hitting the books again, gonna tear me apart soon.

updates

had a surprise celebration for carolyn last sat:) this has to be the first time a surprise celebration really worked, for me lah. hah.. that silly girl was actually so shocked.. but a stupid dinner meant i had to leave almost straight after the surprise.. took a train, ran home got changed and out again. still dun really like such dinners, but there'll be more to come in future, so what else but to learn to be more at ease the next time. then ended the dinner at ard 10.30 rushed back home again and discussed the sim mgmt competition thing with tiff ky and caleb till 3 odd the next morning.. was deadbeat when it ended.. and to think it was ONLY a TRIAL round. still, i think this simulation game is quite interesting, at least we actually really get to put the theories into use:) and monday, worked on it again. from 4 to 9..only to make a loss. but it is right though to be making losses, since all companies start with losses. so tuesday, again, this time from 3 to 8. tired. losses again, smaller though this time. hah. and i just submitted the decisions for the third period, hopefully we get to see some profits. but i honestly think we'll make it to the next round, which means edging closer towards the grand prize to represent singapore in macau! yep:> never thought so far.. hah. but just checked some things out, and realised there's this bit of possibility to get thru this round. hah.

and italy won. ok they deserved it, worked hard for it, but i still cant get over the zidane incident, just like our newspapers. he ought to say sth, maybe account for what he did. still, i support him totally.
and my dear becks decided to call it a day..ok.. gotta admit he din exactly perform as he should have, but he tried. and that's very good d. and good news is that the real president has confirmed the signing on of becks. yep:>
world cup's over. doesn't feel good anymore. like sth's missing whenever i wake up every morning.

oh yes. met up with julie germ and my dear partner two saturdays back! took pics again, and it's neoprints i mean. hah. i totally understand how people can laugh upside down over neoprints. especially during the designing of them. hah.. love them loads:)
and then i went to catch superman with my cousins. not too bad. but my attention was on superman. hah. i think every one of us has a superhero deep within us:) in the very least, i've got one:>

and i met jasmine twice in a month, which is sth really surprising since it doesn't normally happen twice. i've always said that it's nice meeting people u haven't seen for ages, but i think. hie-bye is dreadful. what to do. brief encounters.

and i think we've got nice people, at least for me, in YEN. at least for those i know from YEN to date. working on an event now, meeting up with the speaker for discussion the following sat.
it feels like there are so many things piling up. especially the I&E event. crap. but then again, i like what im doing, besides the I&E one. everything else is great. even studying. and i realised i'm starting to enjoy meeting new people, cos there's always sth to learn from each new person i talk to:)

tests again next week, when we just got back the results of the first tests. crap. and my hrm tutorial is due tmr. can't seem to delay anymore. im off.

the going gets tough. but the tough get going.

ad time:>

a rather old ad by beckham:)

random

doing some research in sch now.. just had a meeting with my group in-charge for the business ettiquete and wine appreciation session at shatec.. nice chap, easy to warm up to at least:) oh any np students interested in this session, pls contact me for further enquiries yeah? it's tentatively on oct 3rd, long way more to go.

havent been doing much these 2 days after the chalet.. can't find the motivation at ALL to do anything..

chalet was great:) reached there on sat afternoon apparently cos mum couldn't go on fri, so we decided to go down on sat instead. so sis and i reached pasir ris at bt 2pm, and we were supposedly late, cos my cuz reached when we just left our hse. hah. but crappy him, after a day of guard duty at camp, waited for us at the wrong station and insisted it was the correct one. so sis n i really thought there was some bermuda triangle or sth.. hah. so yup, we left the station, and happily boarded the wrong bus.. so we stopped halfway and took a cab. nonsense pple. the blind following the blind. hah.. finally reached the place at bt 2.40.. and slacked a while, played winning elven on daryl's xbox.. and then went cycling from 4-6.. caught up quite abit, at least heard bt daryl's ongoing stuff and problems with his friends and the girl he likes. hah. it's always nice to catch up with them, always, nv fail to engage ourselves in loads and loads of fun and laughter.. hah..

yup then went back at 6, and started the bbq while waiting for the adults to join us. barely ate anything, i think tt's what bbq is all about.. u just keep bbq-ing for others and at the end of the day, prob. eat one or two chicken wings and 2 sausages. hah...

went back in at bt 12 to watch tv. then out again to join the adults in their catching up session. hah.. and all of us went back in at bt.. 3 plus to catch the italy game, before squeezing in the small room to get some sleep.

next morning woke up at bt 9 plus, had breakfast and was supposed to go back cos my family had dinner at my aunt's house at night, so mum wanted to go back and get some things done before gg off to her house. but after much persuasion, she decided tostay for awhile more, so we, meaning the usual 6 of us, went escape. had a whole load of fun there, though the rides weren't exactly very good. but we entertained ourselves v well with non-stop screaming. hah.. oh and we went go-karting.. not too bad, a lil scary initially but after a while i got used to it and drove on:) my first step towards the real driving during my sem break. hah:) so we went back v wet after 4 rides of wet n wild. hah.. tok a bath and went off to my aunt's hse.. where we had some really good food.. yummy:>

2 days of fun, then back home to do work.. but crap.. i really ain't moving the way i want to.. been slacking these 2 days.. better get some work done today.. and sat will be meeting up with julie germ and my partner hopefully:) havent seen them in ages..

it's freezing as usual in the sch lib.. off to get some work done before gg home and listening to my sis's report of her 3rd day at work. honestly, i've always wanted and yearned for her to start work at the company, but when it really starts, all we talk about at home is just work work work and more work.. and im really not used to it.. havent been on gd talking terms with my mum these 2 days, since sis started work.. and stupid me even asked her if she ever thought or asked if we wanted to take over my dad's business.. crap.. like how could i ever say such a thing.. she told me i always had a choice, but how could i see her slog and hold the business there for us for 3 years and then tell her i dun wish to take over the business.. it's really stressful. sis only went to work for 2 days and she has been so stressed.. never saw her like tt, not even during her exams.. i think. when there's a load there for u to carry, it really pulls your shoulders down.. crap. i really dun wana grow up. not at all. i wish employees could be less demanding.

off to do research again.

sorry

back

great..common tests ended last week.. into the 2nd day of my two weeks break, which really doesn't in any way seem like a break, when i've been facing my laptop for the past two days.. but yeah, the pace is much slower. no rush. no time limit. no half hr lunch break for myself. no waking up at 8. great.

went for a jog this morning, to henry park, past it and to pine grove. going past henry park always reminds me of ms teh. it's weird, but both schools i've been to so far has a 'her' whom i'll always remember, and it's not any of my peers tt's the funny thing. of cos, the later one can never replace the ms teh. hah. but it's the many silly things i did that reminds me of the later one..
havent seen her in a year, no contact at all. fades.but i've been keeping in touch with ms teh these years. 6 years on and we're still in touch. i think tt's really nice. she has watched me grow, and i've seen her become a mom of a cute lil boy. and it really reminds me tt time truly flies. i realised how many things we have in common over these years:) will be hoping to go back the next sem break:>

it has always been, and will always been my dream, for the four of us to be together. it's silly to think so far ahead, but i've made plans. as much as i know plans will change with time, i'm determined to keep things the way i want them to be.

after i return from uk, if i really do go, i'll have to go into the company. and the headaches will come along. but well, he had the bulk of it, and went thru so much, what's this bit compared to all that. will hope for my mom to take the back seat, to come in and check things out once n awhile, and my sis and i will bring the company forward. dreams. it's still a dream. but having a dream gives me a direction at least. so i know where im heading for, and how to move towards it. for that, im really thankful to him. if it hadn't gone the way it did, i wouldn't know where to look to now. why do i have so many dreams? hah. but then again, how many of them are truly mine.

went for a talk on psychology last sat. was so tired tt i could barely keep myself awake.. the biggest reward was that i finally got to see their program manager, ivy, after so many emails and the miss at the education fair the last time. she's really nice. PATH education group. my recommendation:) no wait im speaking for ivy only. havent got any idea bt their courses and students. hah.

off for a chalet on fri..looking forward again, though i know there'll definitely be sth stopping me from gg all out to enjoy myself. bccause she is the way she is, i've to head this way. anyway, looking forward to the overnite cycling. and catching the world cup games together with my whole big family. great:>

i found this in my sis's cam.
















feels so peaceful just looking at it.
reminds me again of grand canyon. that feeling was splendid. like u're really at the top of the world where everything becomes so small. and the great wall! which i never got to complete. hah.. crap..my lousy sis refused to go up with me, but excused her still cos she has asthma. hah. and my dad and mom who preferred to have time for themselves somewhere along the middle of the great wall. hah.. i climbed and climbed non stop, and the steps were so uneven and small i thought i was gonna roll back. hah.. it got really warm nearing the end and i started removing the layers of clothes. hah.. and i was so happy i could see the end at last. but i forgot, for what reason i had to come down quickly. hah.. nonsense.. then i went for coffee with my dad while my mom and sis sat in the coach, and the shop owner there said i look totally like a mole of my dad. hah.. how many times i've heard these.. and each time dad and i will just
turn to each other and grin. hah.. :> it happened again when i met my sis's friend's father at the airport two weeks ago. he said i look so much like my dad. hah.. will put up a pic next time, one pic we took at the foot of the great wall.. and tt was about 4 years back:)

pics from the xiamen trip:)

I wasn't supposed to take photos in the gallery, but i couldn't resist when i saw such a cool piano. hah.. notice the keys? they are an opposite of what we have now. hah.

There. my sis and i. hah. we are totally opposites.. hah. i really appreciate the times when we're together happily. :)


My mom! i love her so much. she's been thru it all, and come out of it so strong. and she's been holding this company for us. waiting for us to take over. finally the day has come for her, with my sis going to work at the office tomorrow for the first time. give me 4-5 more yrs. this is the company we visited.

it's really cool how they actually have their own port, which allows them to save so much money on transporting and time wastage. we couldn't help but wonder why we weren't born in a bigger country. hah. singapore's too small to allow such things, companies having their own ports. we'll have so many ports tt all the beaches will become ports and everywhere u go it's gonna be a port. hah.

and this is their workshop. huge. hah. but they are really efficient. it took just 3 months for their manager to implement a system so effective that we wanted to bring it to singapore. hah.

ending off with a shot i just found in the cam. hah. tt irritating sis of mine again. who claims i make her really wanna cry. hah..

oh one final pic. i love the way he celebrates his goals. and all the talk bt his incapability to lead, to play, to even be in england squad. crap. he speaks with his feet. now. without the wicked crosses, where on earth do u get two own goals in two consecutive games.

i wanna root for england, but i know they won't win the world cup.. they are still far from the quality and depth of the brazil team.

really tired now. off to take a break from my extremely unproductive day. only completed one tutorial and started off my hrm project. hah. mann.. i need to work v v hard tmr..

your beauty is more than words can describe